The blast from the so called past

A shoutout to myself

2012-01-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

The way of the dinosaur or Internet takeover 101

2012-01-15T19:40:00.001-08:00

It's hard to believe but there were places out there that are long gone and will definitely never return, Can you estimate how many times you've actually stumbled onto one of these places?

Ah the video store, Many of moments I've spent renting or buying everything under the sun, Now with the power of the internet all is available at your fingertips. Ain't life grand?

Oh, how I used to love cd hunting, I was fortunate enough to stay away from giant box retailers who would charge an arm and a leg for the latest release by Sting. Now with the power of the internet.... You can...umm...yeah..

Yep there was a time when we would spend the entire day outside hanging out at the local arcade. you know, hanging out, making friends, spending quarters till no end, Now with the power of the internet, You can... umm.. meet people online and stuff and umm... Yeah.. The internet.

Meeting again for the first time

2012-01-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

The short version of this story, When I was about 6 years old I bought this record, listened to it till no end and completely erased it from memory. 34 years later it appeared in a milk crate full of records at my parents house about to be discarted. I don't know how I never seen it around or how it was preserved for so long but damn, it opened up memories from my childhood instantly. You're safe now, my only keepsake from childhood.

Choking the chicken part deux

2011-03-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

It's that time again, Yet another installment of the biggest chicken shits in movies. And while i don't see myself running out of movie characters any time soon i could only rely on memory as to which ones stuck out the most.

That umm...guy from Deep risingOk, so this guy invests in a cruise casino ship and then hires some pirates to hijack it but the trouble is its under attack by a huge ass monster. blah! it's always those corporate types..

The leader of the orphans (The warriors) They can't rumble or do much of anything, His gang is too weak to be included in the gang network and to top it off his girl dumps him for the Warriors. Pure punk bitch.

Skank (The crow)
What do you get when you and your friends commit a crime and it's time for your comeuppance? The hee-haw of chicken shit on a stick. Before his anticipated death the best words described him, A small worm on a big fucking hook

Miguel (Day of the dead)
Hard to describe so here it goes, A true coward who every second is spent whining and sobbing over being weaker than everyone else. But it gets worse when he gets bitten by a zombie and had his arm hacked off. So with more to complain he lets all the zombies into the compound and fucks it up for everyone else.... yeah...

Rourke (Aliens)
OOOh what a bastard.. A true corporate who tricks a whole team to go on an alien planet in hopes to bring back a specimen. And who does he betray? EVERYONE

The year end review!!!

2010-12-28T09:55:00.000-08:00

The year 2010. It's been a good year, While i'm still waiting for my flying vehicle or teleporter i'll just enjoy the finer things in life like music,movies and videogames good and bad. So here is my quick list.

Best pc
Such a breath of fresh air, What do you do when a franchise is ruined, start again fresh and boy is it welcomed. You have two choices. The illegal racer or the cop. It's super fun, it's fast and this game will make you forget that there were others before it.

worst pc
I wanted to like this... But with other fps that are actually free roaming this one has you go from point a to point b with no other choices whatsoever. The firefights are ok but there are better games. Trust me.

Best movie
What a total surprise. It's a film about a film maker who makes a documentary about an artist who turns the tables and makes a film about the film maker. Yeah. And it also portrays how naive and blind people are when it comes to the art world.

Worst movie
Another alien invasion movie. With people that you could not care about, The special effects are well done but that's it. Nothing else is noteworthy. same plot same everything. Independence day was 90% better and that movie was done over 10 years ago. Leave this genre alone man.

Best album
This album came out of nowhere, And damn. they came back with a force to be reckoned with, Every album shows that they are actually way ahead of the game.

Worst album
God i can't for the life of me stand the album single. and if that's the best song i could imagine sitting through 40 or so minutes of linkin park. Sorry dude. your fanbase grew up and got jobs and went on with their lives.

I wish you all a very happy new year!

Super blast

2010-12-22T17:32:00.001-08:00

Man, I got this for christmas when i was about 5 or so. The best gift i've ever gotten as a child. And after all these years i never forgot about it. It's good to know that the internet can close gaps. It sucks that i now know how much it used to cost. Damn.....

El ano del pavo

2010-11-29T10:28:00.000-08:00

I don't know how the term was made but here in my honest opinion is the worst movie turkeys this year.(Trust me it wasn't a good experience)

Sex and the city 2
Ah man, what can i say, I took one for the team and saw this with zero expectations and boy did i get just that. Quick recap. Shallow story about ugly shallow people getting into unheard of situations, Oh wait its a movie. My bad.

Piranha 3-dBringing back a time when sex and violence was absolute king. You don't need a plot if you have a movie based of piranha fish looking for its next meal, Thats what it's suppose to do. But i do give some sort of credit, It's got gore to the fullest and a stab at America's mind numbing alcohol filled no holds barred morally challenged youth. And 3-d boobies...

Jonah hexOk, I never ever got into the whole Jonah hex comic book thing back in the day, So i didn't know what to expect. But man is this movie fucking horrible. I couldn't get past the bad acting and one liners, I kept looking around for a Smith and Wesson ol' timey pistol and do myself in. How long did my viewing last? about 30 minutes before i started to dream of something better. Oh yeah megan fox is in it. You still can't sprinkle gold on dogshit. It's not right.

The losersYay! it's the A-team! fuck my bad it's The losers and i never heard of it, Umm yeah it was a comic too? I never heard of that. Fuck i never heard anything about it and after watching it i wish i could go back to not knowing anything about it. Truly forgettable.

RedTalk about hype. all hype, Bruce willis, Morgan freeman, John blah blah blah blah blah. The premise could have worked but man, The movie drags along to the point of not caring who betrayed who and who did what.. Ah christ, I don't even know what the story is about. And all this hype surrounding this film claiming it's the best thing since god know what, I don't see it man, I don't see it, This is definitely one of those movies that fall into the category of "Why the fuck did Get shorty win best comedy at the awards"

Moby dick 2010
Ok if you would have told me 20 years ago that the singer Tiffany would be in a movie about Moby dick in the year 2010 i would have been amazed, It's 2010 and the word amazed can't be combined with this movie in any way, Everything in it is cgi and i'm saying that with dignity, The effects are so bad that i couldn't even fathom as to why this thing was made, Who greenlit this project? I know how this all went down man... i know..., In a basement somewhere... *SON* "Mom!" I just made this movie using nothing but that Fisher price My first animation program you bought me, Can you give it to my favorite uncle who happens to run a movie studio?" **MOM* Awww son, i didn't even see it and i know it's perfect, I love you"

Oh my bad, Tiffany wasn't in that movie, She was in this...

Mega piranhaWhen the movie poster has better effects than the actual movie you know you're in trouble. These movies shouldn't possibly exist at this day and age. I truly wished for the piranhas from the 3-d version to eat everyone in this one. Possibly 3 minutes into the opening credits.

Happy holidays everyone!!!

Grabbing the nuts (in retrospect)

2010-11-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

I've slayed thru tons of them, Possibly thousands, Some were memorable to a degree of joy and some were downright forgetfully awful. I'm of course speaking of Video games. So here are a few random games from random systems that were so insanely hard to beat that after doing so i got up and grab these big ol nuts with a sense of accomplishment.

Mike Tyson's punch out! (nes)OK, to get to Mike Tyson you had to fight a ton of boxers and if you made it all the way up the ranks Mike will knock you out with one punch, kinda like in real life.

Pwned!

Ghost and goblins (nes)This game is so hard that even after you beat it you go back to the beginning and have to finish it again to get the proper ending. what's even worse than that? NO SAVESTATE OR PASSWORD!

Adventures of bayou billyMy fondest memory was when the last boss came out with two henchmen and i got the shit kicked out of me followed by a game over screen. I hate you...

Honorable mention
Ninja gaiden series
Megaman series
Metroid (fucked up password system)

Dark savior (Sega Saturn)3/4th view made it impossible at certain levels, and if you don't believe me, Try out the mining cart stage.

X-men (Sega Saturn)Finishing it was easy, But finishing it with Akuma is downright impossible. Like continued a hundred times impossible.

Honorable mention
Panzer dragoon series
Shining force series
Tomb raider

Hell (3do)Point here click there, that's all you had to do in this game, But the puzzles were downright impossible, You had to have two full functioning brains to figure it all out, and i did but also inherited insanity. Thank you.

Beelzebub,Belial, Mephistopheles,Beelzebub,belial,Mephistopheles,Beelzebub,Belial,Mephistopheles (Play it, you'll know what i mean)

Honorable mention
D
Road rash
Bladeforce

Spiderman/xmen (snes)You will never finish this game.. i guarantee...The end is ficking nigh!

Ah how i reminisce over that Gambit stage.. Classic.

Honorable mention
Actraiser
Super ghouls and ghost

Chakan (Sega Genesis)How can i explain this one, It's an action platformer with an awesome character that came out of nowhere, Man was this game hard to beat. I remember after you make it to the final boss you only have one try. After that, Game over man.

Honorable mention
Sword of sodan
Target earth
Phantasy star series

I have a pet named peeve, and he wants to bite you in the ass.

2010-11-14T03:06:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately we all have to deal with the fact that things are the way they are and no matter what i simply can't avoid the cosmic powers of scenarios that drive me crazy... Enjoy.

High priced sneakersYou just spent a few hundred on a pair of sneakers only to step on dogshit. Next time just give me a fifty so i can punch you in the face.

Cellphone upgradesOk, So you bought a new cell phone, And 3 months later you buy another cell phone to replace the last cellphone because the megapixel is 3 mb more. Congratulations, You're part of the idiot club.

BluetoothEveryone who speaks on a bluetooth usually looks and sounds too serious to ignore. But of course you would too if your're giving an excuse as to why you havent paid your rent. Yep, Living the Star trek dream.

Fanny packsYes, The fashion statement for every person who are simply too lazy to stick their wallet in their pants. And oh yeah it's not a girdle dude. For the 45 and only crowd please.

Using different venacularOk so you want a coffee somewhere but you can't tell what size you need because guess what. You don't speak any language other than english. The trend is so stupid, Fuck it i'm gonna open up my own shop and just name shit that doesn't even make sense. Do you want a rat ball pastry with hot anal fudge? Sold!.

Elderly lottery winnersHere's how it works. If you are ages 1 thru 50 you will never win. But if you are over the age of 75 and own 2 houses then it's in the bag baby! Instant winner. Here for you to enjoy is the usual timeline of said event.

6 months later

And a will testinony laterOf course it's for the cat. Duh!

The art of choking the chicken

2010-10-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

In a world of super heroes and action stars there are bound to be the incredibly inept chicken shits, The ones who make you either wish for their demise or cheer at their total lack of judgement aka running away. Here's to you man!

Sgt o'neill(Platoon)This is the common case of chicken shit and ass kisser all into one! His motivation is clearly based on the fact that no one gives a shit if he lives or dies.

Pvt hudson(Aliens)Awww c'mon, you know who this is. He can hang in the best of shootouts but when the going gets tough he exist stage left real quick. I'm not gonna say the catchphrase man, I'm not gonna say it....

Malak(Conan the destroyer)A true gem, has no fighting ability or skills. All he did was take cover and stole artifacts. I believe he might have hit a person or two on a whimsical scale, Everyone needs one of these on their team.

Luther(The warriors)Wow, You commit a crime and totally lay it on someone else by starting a rumour. And on top of that you can't rumble, The super ultimate fifth grade bitch move.

That guy from the mummy 2Totally looks like a modern day Don knotts, everything he did was by total accident and actually came off as a hero. huh?

Lalin'(Carlito's way)
Ok, It's bad enough you're in a wheelchair, But getting caught wearing a wire to bring down your boys always sets a new low in chicken shit 101.

The pilot(dawn of the dead)Ah yeah, a true gem, not only is this guy stupid, he can't aim a rifle and doesn't know the concept of a back up plan. Traits you definitely don't want in a zombie apocalypse. Way to go champ. I'm sure he can pull it off.

On second thought...

Random movie characters who could've been contenders.

2010-10-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

This is my totally random list of movie characters who were side players and somehow managed to stand out while they lasted onscreen. I'm pretty sure i'm missing a few.

Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz(inglorious basterds)
Is known as a maniac to both German and US forces,As a nazi he ended up killing scores of nazi ranking officials before being imprisoned, Only to be freed by The basterds.

Floyd(True romance)
All this guy did was use up all the toilet paper, talked smack watched t.v and smoked weed. that's it... nothing else. Who says you have to do alot to get attention.

Rorschach (Watchmen)

Who cares about all the other characters problems when you have rorschach to show you how the jobs done, Sadistic and somewhat crazy he's what dark heroes are made of. Was it fair for him to get killed?

Mr furious (Mystery men)
He has absolutely no powers but he can get mad like a 10 year old catching a tantrum. The only one who can pull this off is ben stiller. or course..

Bunny(platoon)What this guy boils down to is a stone cold soldier who has no qualms smashing skulls in and putting people out of their misery, With a name like Bunny what did you expect.

Bub (Day of the dead)

He managed to surpass all the other zombies as far as intelligence. What happened to him after this movie? no one will ever know.

Blain(Predator)
Holy hell, his rail machine gun was the craziest weapon ever, It was ridiculous to have him killed so quick. rematch!

Lightning (Big trouble in little china)

Holy hell, You had kung fu fighters all over the place and then you had this guy, Who's lightning skill was displayed for a mere few seconds time before chop sockying everyone to death in an alleyway rumble.

Hit girl (kick ass)
So here is this 9 year old girl who can dodge bullets and end the life of just about anyone who crosses her path. Awesome character indeed.

Lord humungus(The road warrior)
Man, This dude was crazy. As the leader he'd choke out his own henchmen just to prove a point. They definitely should have shown more of this guy doing umm.. more choking people and ummm.. more speeches about taking oil and gas and stuff.... yeah..

Ajax (The warriors)
He never took any guff and got down with the rumbles, He called everyone wimps and fags and didn't take any shit. Why this guy never made warlord status is beyond me.

Jesus quintana (The big lebowski)
I can't even tell you how random this choice was, All i can say is that he takes bowling to a whole new level.

Mani (brotherhood of the wolf)
Yep, a sidekick who hardly ever spoke but when the gloves come off get ready to have a mani foot up your ass, Claimed to be a real native american indian this guy was every man's dream of lethal backup.

Jet jaguar (godzilla vs megalon)

Whaaaat? How can you have a cool ass robot for a sidekick, And he can fly and give karate chops like no one's business, Haaaiiiiiiiiii!!!

Pumpkin and Hunny bunny(Pulp fiction)
Totally bad ass stick up team who definitely have the cool and demeanor to rob you blind or shoot you in the face. All while calling each other by their pet names. awww...

Fredo (godfather)

Ah, im just kidding....

Movie cliches that will never die!

2010-10-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I can sit here and go on forever being that the movie industry is saturated with copycat storylines and stolen ideas, As for me here are a few that i feel stand out in my eyes. But then again, Slo motion action still rules..

Insubordinate subordinates

As always there are the lackeys who never get anything right, They usually let the prisoner escape or fail to shoot straight and miss every opportunity or crash into a ditch during a car chase or Blah blah blah.... the list goes on. Always a sure win in action movies.

Moving away from an explosion while conversating

Yes, Once the trend was set by good ol Tarantino it spread like filler wildfire. I mean how cool is that, Big explosion while you walk away unfazed talking about royale with cheese. But in real life that shit would knock you on your ass while dealing with tinitis for about a year.

The Love interest

Why man...whyyy. Doesnt everyone know that if you were a real hero saving the day she would probably just get upset at the fact that you are saving the day and not paying attention to her...

The nerd comic relief

Revenge of the nerds for the year 2k, Every teen movie is nothing without a ubernerd to stir shit up. Either he's a vag repellent or just an idiot pretty much sums up the premise of the character. Go goof troop!

First date scenes

It always happens, The movie couple hook up and end up doing about 7 or eight montage shots of walking in a park, Shooting pool, Apple picking, Sky diving and shark hunting all in the span of a day, But they will never show how they got there. I.e Cab, subway, Walking or whatever, What the hell i guess only in movies there is no such thing as laws of physics.

Movie characters coming back after being shot or stabbed or whatever.

Up to this day writers and directors seem to think that this formula works. Such a cheap way to end any kind of movie, The scare/suprise factor is non existent because it has been done to a degree of human dna coding, We see it coming man. Please stop.

But then again there are few suprisesBEN (1972)

From eating brains to eating ass

2010-03-19T14:53:00.001-07:00

Ok, here's George romero, the undisputed king of the whole zombie genre, He basically reshaped the way zombie movies were made. And everyone else just followed. But you can only stay at the top for oh so long.

This movie started it all, made on a shoestring budget and in black and white it's considered a staple in zombie movie history, With no real explanation the dead rise and start to eat the living, a few survivors hide out in an old house trying to fend off the zombies, great suspense with a bummer ending, but yeah it's good no foolin.

Ah yes, It starts out with some crazy swat team action on an urban building, a few survivors take off on their own by helicopter to find refuge and end up hiding out at a mall. What seemed like a novel idea turns out to be a clusterfuck. All thanks to a bunch of other renegade humans who umm. Act worse than the zombies. I truly believe this one put zombie movies on the map, In full color and enough gore to make everyone happy, A true gem.

Supposedly the last of the zombie trilogy, This time there's a more scientific approach, a few Soldiers and scientists hide out in an underground bunker trying to figure out if they can teach or control zombies thru experiments, meanwhile the world outside is completely overrun by zombies, and it all goes to hell because the said soldiers start acting worst than the zombies.. yeah, i said it. I see a pattern here. I still love you Bub.

ok, now that George romero pretty much settled into the year 2000 we end up with this movie, the world is completely run by zombies and yeah there's a social message buried in here about how the rich get better stuff than the poor, blah blah. and no matter how much intelligence you can drill into humans on zombie survival 101 someone will always figure how to wander off and take a piss without their firearm or listen to their walkman unprotected. Oh yeah, then there's John leguizamo... bleh!

Now, I'm not going to complain much on this one, yeah, it's filmed primarily on steadcam as a so called documentary but using the internet as a basis of communication and all that live feed stuff is not very realistic, If i knew there were zombies everywhere and there's a high chance of getting eaten the last thing i'm gonna do is get on youtube and look up crap to watch. Oh yeah, will cablevision still be in business during a zombie apocalypse? Fuck maybe i should never cancel my account.

OOOOkay, So there's still people out there, And there's still the "net". But yeah, The best way to describe this movie....hold on. Some guy gets booted from an island (ireland i guess) because he was killing off zombies, huh? so he returns with a few soldiers and yeah, people get shot and get eaten and so forth, there's so much dialogue it's extremely sickening, This movie truly feels like a zombie soap opera of something that would appear on the sci fi channel. seriously. Every single character was extremely forgettable,I wanted the zombies to just eat everyone and then have the credits roll and who would use cgi in a zombie movie man, holy hell...
How do humans end up being outsmarted by zombies who pace is beyond me. oh yeah and then there was a zombie riding a horse, i'm not fucking kidding.. C'mon george, you had a good run dude, Give up that throne already.

This is like having your old ass relative come to your party and trying to rap.

Robot Jleeerrghgh!

2010-03-01T20:10:00.000-08:00

Robot joxMan, I remember reading about this movie in a Fangoria magazine back in the day, I was so excited when it detailed how this was going to be the next big thing, giant ass robots fighting and transforming, What can you possibly ask for in 1990? Let's just say that when this movie was finally released it raised a new low in high tech movie making, The robots moved in super slo motion even though they did look cool, The acting was so bad i cannot believe that it never reached mystery science theatre status. What could've been a step or even a leap into the future of filmaking turned out to be a train wreck, I cannot further express in detail what's wrong with this movie, just look at the link i have provided by our friends at Youtube, Welcome to the future.....of crap!

It's 2010 and it's already time for the chop!

2010-01-20T13:45:00.000-08:00

Wow, the year 2010, I would think that maybe we should have flying saucers and hovercraft vehicles and teleportation, but nothing..None of the above, All we get are crappy movies and games and celebrity gossip and all sorts of nonsense. So yeah, It's time for things to get the CHOP!

Windows vista, Aaaah poor thing, you were suppose to be the way of the future, With your super incompatability issues and ability to use up cpu resources to run at a normal rate, It's no wonder you were put to rest after only like 3/4 years or something. You wanna try out this new program?...nope it won't work. Wanna play this game or that game on it? nope. That's ok, i have my friend here with a few words.HASSAN CHOP!!!

Smokin' aces 2, Yep it's a sequel prequel or something..Whatever, This movie went straight to dvd which means it's crap. And boy is it ever! Poor vinnie jones, I give him credit, he'll make any movie sound good on paper and he can ham it up. but this story is so dumb it's more confusing and uninteresting than the first Smokin aces. And yeah, it's low budget with cgi explosions and cliche' slo' mo shootouts. I swear this couldve been a scifi channel exclusive.Hassan chop!

Celebrity gossip, I don't care, i dont caaare! Why would i need to know which celebrity is starving him/herself or someone broke up with someone else or sold/bought a new huge ass house or got a new facelift or wrecked their vehicle or got into rehab or got divorced or had a new baby or arrrghghgh!! Oh wait. Lindsey lohan is in trouble again. Say hello to my little friend. HASSAN CHOP!

Dark void, Good premise, Some guy flies around in a jetpack destroying flying vehicles and on the ground he shoots it out with aliens, But when you actually play, you will spend a great deal of time crashing into things and moving the mouse in all directions just to gain control of the damn jetpack, the ground levels are quite boring, with ho' hum run and gun action. I tried to like this, i really did, And if you have a trackball mouse....FAIL. I would rather just watch The rocketeer. And for that... Hassan chop!

Frank millaaarrrghghg!!

2010-01-12T15:10:00.001-08:00

I love Frank miller, I love his artwork, i love his stories. And i simply love his movie adaptions. He has been praised by all, One time i even walked up to him at a comic convention to get his autograph. So i can say, i am a huge fan of his work. I can't possibly list all the books he has done and yeah, i might have missed a series or two but his transition to hollywood can be easily followed. So here are the list of movies he has done or had been involved in.

Ah well, The first robocop was a hoot and this one tries to follow in it's suit, While the special effects were pretty darn good the story is a jumbled mess, Ultra violence and a killer 12 year old will make you shake your head in disbelief with such an inept storyline, But whatever, This movie came out in 1990 so there's an excuse, But frank miller wrote this in his heyday so...ummm, what's your excuse dude?

What's not to say about this one, Straight out of the Sin city comic series comes this film, And man whas everyone blown away. With three stories going on at once we are immersed into a world of black and white film noir with little splashes of red, Amazing triumph for all involved.

Ah man, 300 is something to behold, It's basically a story about the spartan army holding down the fort until they are all killed. ummm, yeah. it supposedly happened. But the sick visuals and hyped action set pieces makes this one memorable. A definite watch.

The Spirit, What the hell? Ok this is what happens when you have too many eggs in one basket, one will eventually fall over. and boy is this movie it. Going back to the style of sin city we have the black and white thing, The one liners, The dames, The guns, and all that good stuff, But the script is so bad and umbelieveable that if you can actually sit thru this i swear i'll give you $50 bucks, An all star cast can't save this movie, I'm upset that i can't watch this in it's entirety and i have a feeling alot of people out there can't either. Don't bother man. This movie sucks balls..

Things that i love to hate

2010-01-10T21:23:00.001-08:00

There are things that make me so angry that it needs no further explanation. So here goes.....

Really good Group/Band breakups
It happens all the time, bands break up all the time for whatever reason, creative purposes, solo deals, no budget, tension within the group, 100 other reasons, It's a real shame, Some good bands have broken up but why on earth are we left with the bad ones who never seem to disappear? It's eddie vedder!.....ummm. i mean....umm...yeah..whatever.

The "Movies" movies
Meet the spartans, Date movie, Epic movie, Disaster movie,Dance movie, Blah blah the list goes on, I can't sit thru any of these so called movies. Please stop for everyone's sake, They have absolutely 0 comedic tones, It's just further evidence that today's culture is made out of boobies and fart jokes. I need to go to hollywood and punch people in the face.

Face lifts and implants
I will never understand the fascination with cosmetic surgery, It makes you look crazy, unreal and downright atrocious, everything from ridiculous boob jobs to callogen shots to the lips. How can anyone find that attractive, Why would you spend thousands to look like that? Everyone knows man, you are fucking ugly...Oh wait, i think i might have found your twin..

Who says you can't reunite loved ones on Blogspot?

Extras on dvd's
I could understand if you were a super fan of a particular film and you absolutely need to watch the extras but damn, There's extras on EVERY dvd out there, Your life has reached 0 status if you just need a hankerin' to watch the extras from the movie Gigli.You sick bastard,you know you have..

Cell phone usage
I know it's become a way of life, But some people break the general etiquette of cell phone usage, They talk too damn loud! I don't want to know your business, You must know other people can hear you, It's not important to anyone how you can't pay your rent.

Abuse of the english language
I know it's totally unavoidable to say something in slang or words that have become cliche', and yes, sometimes i blurt them out. But it seems that some words are so excruciating to hear that it makes me cringe.
Here's the list of things that make me want to drop kick someone to hell.

Chillaxing
Bromance
wanna get some noms (it means eat)
Today's economy
Tweet
And last but not least.....Apps.

The coupon lady
Cmon old lady, your holding up the entire line, Ok, I get it, I know you can save a friggin dime on a box of tampons when you spent 5 dollars on gas to come down to purchase it. Whatta deal!

I hate you all....

2010-01-04T19:33:00.000-08:00

Oh damn

I recently read an article about the Micronauts movie in the works by JJ abrams, If this is true, I think i'm gonna faint...lol. Man i love The micronauts..

Read the article here
http://micronauts.movie-trailer.com/

New years!!

2010-01-01T19:29:00.001-08:00

The wacky world of spanish television

2009-12-22T19:31:00.001-08:00

These are my most memorable spanish tv shows

El chavo del ocho
Ok, so theres this street where everyone has a love hate relationship, add El chavo del ocho and you have not only a royal pain in the ass but the one person who holds the neighbours together with his oddball humour and stupidity. Now where can i get a recording of that weird spanish laugh track?

Walter mercado
Do i really need to explain this one? Ok, this guy usually comes on at night for a brief time to predict fortunes and so forth, He's been around since before my time and will probably be here afterwards, Now that's entertainment!

XUXA
Yay! Really pretty teens running around on stage enticing the lil ugly kiddies in the background! Oh the joy! Yay! ummm..yeah. so anyways, It's a kiddie variety show where they sometimes show cartoons and so forth, Is it entertaining? probably. Is it entertaining if your old and like teens running around half nude...yes.

Chapulin colorado
Another oddball show, This time it's a supposed superhero who never does anything right, He's always usually wrong about everything but somehow comes out on top, No musclebound hero to be found here, Just some disheveled out of shape guy in a red costume. Just like real life i suppose.

Sabado gigante
So, this is a variety show that they show EVERY Saturday, And guess what, it's about 3 friggin hours long! Why would you watch this show on a saturday? umm because there's alot of guest stars and half naked women running around or dancing (always a plus). What are the qualifications for watching this show...let's see, you have to know spanish and you definitely must have no social life.

Luz clarita
You can best describe this show as the spanish version of Little orphan Annie, Everyone seems to love this character because guess what, she knows more than everyone else. Now add intrigue, mystery dream sequences and umm, betrayal and so forth and you have every ingredient for a soap opera exactly like this one, and Days of our lives and um As the world turns...yeah whatever.

Now the worst movies of 2009

2009-12-20T16:31:00.001-08:00

Now it's time for the worst of the worst movies this year..

Dragonball z.
Are there people out there who still watch dragonball? In it's heyday this movie would have killed at the box office, but that popularity was way back in 1996. Meaning that it's target market didn't get laid if they took a date to see this. Who okayed this movie, I want to stick a vegeta figure up his ass.

Next day air
Ok, take the script from Guy ritchie's Lock,stock and two smoking barells and Snatch, Mesh them together, put an urban environment, add some of the worst black and hispanic stereotypes and you have this dumb ass movie. The blacks act like lazy asses, smoke weed and don't get anything right, The hispanics dress slutty and cook eggs all day and have guns, What the hell? This movie could've worked if you take the whole script, edit it out and put in a new script and get a different director.

Legend of Chun-li
Ummm, yeah not only is street fighter super dead, but who the fuck cares? Is it me or everyone from black eye peas is getting way too much exposure (The chinese guy plays vega), What is this story about...umm...Chun-li doing stuff and fighting vega and umm other stuff. Trust me, you won't care, This movie is about 15 years too late, Hadooocrap!

Obsessed
OOOkay, let's see, A happily married couple's lives are torn apart by a woman who puts the moves on the unsuspecting husband. But now get this, the other woman is white and the married couple happen to be african american, And you know how that goes, The story balances the thin line between racial tension and happens to upstage it with incredible acts of ineptitude and scenes that would never happen in real life, Is the white woman smarter while everyone else seem to have absolutely no control of any situation? That is until beyonce takes off her shoes and throws that bitch down thru a ceiling with a chandelier in tow. Boooyah!

Hardwired
I dont know anything about this movie because i refused to see it, if it has Cuba and Val kilmer that shit went straight to video. I didn't even bother to see if it came out this year. Nice photoshop job, Fuck you.

Transformers 2
Oh damn, This movie is so noisy and annoying you'd want to rip your ears off, same lead characters who are not worth mentioning with the addition of new robots makes this movie a sure thing, That is until you have to sit thru a stale script and annoying robots especially the two who jive talk and take african american robots to a new low (if there were any), damn. Who thinks of this shit. Because you know, word out in Hollywood is that buffoonery sells.

Top albums of the year!!

2009-12-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

Top music albums of the year!! So many albums so little time. I will break it down to it' simplest form.

Pacou
I know, who the hell is that. Well, My brother actually put me on to this, It has some house/techno feel to it, maybe he can explain it better, but it's really good to listen to while you drive, makes you want to run over a pedestrian or two.

Alice in chains
How can this be?..There hasn't been an Alice in chains album in about a decade and after the passing of Layne staley those chances had declined to zero, But this is a new era, With a new singer on lead and all of the original members on instruments this album will kick your ass, steal your money and leave you in a bloody pulp. Insane album.

Hope sandoval and the warm inventions
Wow,is this album good. So laid back and serene, makes you want to never leave the comforts of your home. Hope sandoval of Mazzy star fame takes you back to a time when things were calm and collective. Very good album.

Doom, Born like this
Crazy beats, Mf doom never disappoints. Being that he has so many albums some people might find this one hard to swallow but if you start with a fresh mindset you will definitely like this one. A good album that definitely needs a listen to. Underground heads only.

Nirvana live at the reading
Man, Nirvana always take me back. Listening to newly released album from a band long gone further captures that moment in time. Everyone needs to listen to this, Especially wack ass bands that sound aweful and have no idea how to put together a good album. so yeah..

Top pc games!

2009-12-14T21:11:00.000-08:00

Pc gaming!! I will try to definitely narrow this down. way too many games for pc this year

Modern warfare 2
Is this game good? Hell yes. Better than the first? Hell yes, This awesome sequel has you running around the world doing missions by different characters, Very good story that will suck you in completely, Albeit a bit short you will come back to do the bonus missions. Definitely worth playing.So puuurty!

Batman arkham asylum
What? a batman game that's actually good? Not only is it good, it's fucking fantastic! With an over the shoulder pov you have the whole batman arsenal at your feet, Batarangs ect ect, And with your ability to pull off crazy fight combos and weapon upgrades you will actually feel like drop kicking someone in real life...If i can do this all day i would.

Borderlands
Wow, did this game take hours of my life, It's a fps Rpg where you move from mission to mission gaining experience as you try to reach your ultimate goal. This game is for level grinders only! Oh yeah, there's also an expansion pack with new missions! nice!I picked the skinny guy with the goggles.

Left for dead 2
Ah the joy of killing zombies. Ah the joy of killing zombies online with your friends! All you have to do is get to point a to point b with zombies running around everywhere. They'll chase your ass down and pull no punches. But with a good amount of weapons in your arsenal you'll even out those odds. Very addicting experience.If you have no health left right now, you are fucked.

Wolfenstein
Waited forever for this, A fine addition to the franchise, This time around you have Powers like slo motion and so forth, I wont go into detail but it's fps at it's finest, too bad you can beat it in a few hours.Ah, The joy of nazi signs everywhere gives you the more reason to kill nazis..

Red faction guerilla
In this game you do what you do best, and that is blow shit up and take over sections of the map until you occupy everything. Crazy fun and addicting!Once again, If i could do this in real life, i would.

Top movies of the year!!

2009-12-14T19:20:00.000-08:00

It's my top favorite movies of the year! i'll try to narrow it down being that there's only been about 400 movies released.

Drag me to hell
A elderly woman is denied a loan and puts a curse on the unsuspecting loan clerk. It's goofy fun and gross out humour that always screams director Sam raimi.

District 9
This movie came out of nowhere, An alien craft runs out of gas over johannesburg and leaves the aliens stranded on earth. They're put into camps and years later are feared and hated by humans. Things get bad to worst when a human becomes infected and has dna access to alien weaponry which are useless to humans. Really good stuff.

Zombieland
A quick and simple movie about zombies running amock on earth, This movie focuses mainly of 4 survivors who fight their way to nowhere. It's more comparable to the original Day of the dead if everyone got along and used their brains. Why does this movie remind me of left for dead 2 for pc?....

Inglorious basterds
This is Quentin tarantino's spin on the german occupation of france, Along with a group of nazi killers called the Basterds. The main focus is on everyone with each scene heavy on dialogue and set action pieces that when actually happen cause quite an effect. Prepare to take 3 hours of your life.

500 days of summer
A man reflects on his failed relationship with an after, before and during timeline. Sappy stuff but i'm sure everyone can relate to this movie.

Super mention!!

Star trek
How can i not put this movie here. I can't stress enough how everyone needs to see this. so yeah, This movie shows us the origins of the world famous start trek crew of James t kirk. And yes, he even bangs a green chick..nice

Just a quick one.

2009-10-27T20:10:00.001-07:00

I did this movie review a few years back. Boy do i hate bad movies. Click to enlarge.

My day with lo-pan

2009-10-13T22:21:00.000-07:00

One fine day my mother decided to take my brother and i to the movies, We arrived at theatre got our popcorn and there it was, Big trouble in little china. I know this movie is probably considered a cheesefest but my brother and i loved it, I didn't know what quite to expect, but what i got was a crazy tale of kung-fu / sorcery that boggled the senses, Now add Kurt russell and director John carpenter with his crazy music score and to me, That's a all time winner. Man, we were excited, we laughed and and made chop socky noises all thruout the movie, It's a shame there was only about two other people in the theatre.

When i saw these characters for the first time i thought it was the best thing ever, And yeah, That guy from mortal kombat was definitely inspired by this movie.

I never finished you..

2009-10-13T21:43:00.001-07:00

Athena for the nes

I've finished tons of games for just about every system i could get my hands on, But the one game that never left my mind was Athena for the NES. It's super old school with the worst graphics imaginable, It's a side scroller and all you have to do is pick up random weapons and armour that appear after breaking rocks and try to make it to the end of the stage, Sounds good on paper but the game feels half assed and you just end up glitching alot and falling thru objects and getting the occasional game crash and there is absolutely no game save and arrghghgh! I'm getting flashbacks. I tried day and night back in the day (1987) and i couldn't beat the damn thing! I tried to play it recently and i couldn't sit thru 5 minutes of it. bleeech! I hate you.

Pictures cannot describe the horror that is 2 frames of animation.

Just in time for october.

2009-09-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

I was searching for some halloween music and i stumbled upon this, I had this record when i was a kid and i used to play it on my little record player thingy, This opened up a whole bunch of halloween memories for me, I loved my youth.

Things i will always miss.

2009-08-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

4.Comic book stores
I was a huge comic book collector, even as a kid, i couldn't wait until wednesday afternoon to run and pick up any new title or issue that i was currently collecting, Every week it never failed. By my 20's i started working in an actual comic store for 3 years and it was the best time i had working anywhere.

3.Hanging out at the arcades
Yes, My love of videogames started very early in my childhood, I would spend countless hours playing arcade machines, We knew every location(Be it a local bodega, pizzaria or game room) and we were there, It was like a cult. And after console machines dominated the scene everything came to an abrupt end, Those were very good times.

2.Comic conventions
Almost every other month we'd get an invitation to NYC comic con and we'd always attend. Along with a backpack of comicbooks to be autographed by artist or writers. We would wait hours just to get an autograph and suck up to artists for a mere 10 seconds. Oh! the glory!

1.Videogame stores
I truly believe that throughout my youth i've been to just about every videogame store in new york city, We'd go talk smack, buy/sell and trade games usually on a weekly basis. We made it our business to stop by a place called Joysticks (now closed). They had an employee there who we nicknamed hooterbabe. Who drew clientelle thru a stragetically placed marketing ploy (Boobs) and everyone fell for it, Ah yes..the good old days, We will never forget hooterbabe...

Movies that defined endings

2009-07-06T21:23:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, more movies, But this time around it's my most memorable movie endings that for some reason i can never shake off. So here goes.

Silent rage
After some guy is injected with a super serum he wreaks havok all over the place until chuck norris come out of nowhere and kung-fu kicks his ass down a well. And he lives....cripes!

The deadly spawn
Ok here goes, Some alien life form invades a small town, and while the lil slugs are mucking about the mother of all monsters is slowly growing in a basement until it decides it's time to chew ass and kick bubble gum. In the end after the monster is officially destroyed there is a huge rumble and roar as an even bigger creature emerges from under the earth which looked like a mountainside.

Maniac
Ok, so some guy runs around killing women and then proceeds to nail their scalps to mannequins. And at the very end the said mannequins come to life and tear his insides out...umm...yeah..just like that..And after all that his eyes open up like if he was still alive...Bleeeech!

Nighthawks
A terrorist strikes fear into everyone and it's up to silvester stallone and lando calrissian to stop him... i mean yeah...that guy. the colt 45 guy. so yeah, at the end Mr stallone dons a wig and pulls a i fooled you routine and shoots that mofo terrorist in the ass...and for once no one wakes up..

Pieces
A psychopath is loose of course, This time he's hacking up women and making his own woman piece by piece with the body parts, So they kill the bad guy but lo and behold the jigsaw girl awakens and grabs a guy by the nuts and crushes them...noice!

10 to midnight
Charles bronson's mustache..i mean charles bronson, plays a detective after a serial killer. After the killer runs butt ass naked while being chased by charles bronson he is caught by the cops, While the psychopath proceeds to threaten to kill his family Mr bronson takes no guff and shoots the perp in the head while in custody...And by that i mean forehead.

Sleepaway camp
There's some screwy stuff going on at a camp ground, with random killings involving knives, a beehive and a hot curling iron inserted into a no-no place..(i love the 80's). So yeah at the end the killer is seen sitting by the beach fully nude. and when the femal killer angela stands up she rocks the biggest schlong in horror films to date. Doogan!There's something definitely wrong with the twizaaat!

I will return...

2009-04-03T18:42:00.001-07:00

I've been having a few issues that need solving. I will return with some new stuff real soon.

Weird shit in movies..

2009-01-11T21:53:00.000-08:00

I know movies are suppose to be make believe, but sometimes they don't make much sense to me. It looks like writers sometimes just throw caution into the wind and take a risk at writing something that doesn't make sense to anyone. Leaving the audience wondering if they are big idiots... Ooookeeeee, Here's a good one by no other than M. Night Shyamalan, In the movie people suddenly become crazy and kill each other or themselves because of the air.....yeah....air. but it becomes abundantly clear just how stupid the whole idea is when you see the actors actually running away from the so called toxic winds...and how you do that is umm, up to the imagination..Mark walburg is still a small turd.

Ok, i can believe that someone could build traps and gadgets to kill, No big deal. But in Saw part 5 they had a character go into a chamber and it slowly went inside the floor as the walls started closing in crushing yet another hapless victim. My question is, Who built all this shit! there's no way a sickly man with cancer can build such elaborate traps that can be compared to as a bad day at Disney. But yet i can't stop watching.... Buy more tickets.....wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

It's far fetched enough that someone could rise from the grave and wreak vengeance, But during the final scene the crow character summons hundreds of crows as they fly thru his body directly into the main villian. And if that makes sense to you here's a dolla!ok ok now!!......wait....ok ok now!!!....ummm.....wait....

Agent cooper has to try to solve a murder case, While he sleeps he has weird dreams involving a dancing midget who talks backwards with subtitles displayed in english....ummm...wha?...ssik ym ssa!

There's a scene in this movie where there's a kid sitting on a bench, He gets up and yells pancakes, Does a few weird karate moves and bites a guy in the hand. I don't get it man...Pancakes!!

Harrywho?

2009-01-07T18:16:00.001-08:00

I was looking for some movies to watch today and i stumbled upon a few that i haven't seen in ages.

I remembered watching this movie in the theatres with my brother and we went nuts.
Especially this part This grand idea sparked endless skeletal warriors to be used in just about every other videogame made to date. I love you man!

If this were you, you'd crap your pants..

Growing up i was into an extreme amount of fantasy movies/books. And this was a dream come true.

This was the last of the Sinbad movies from the 70's and man was this movie good.

There were quite a few fantasy movies made thruout the years and into the early 80's with stop animation done by no other than Ray Harryhausen. I know these movies are old school and can't even be compared with the new techniques of filmaking, But to me it was a wonderful experience. Especially in the theatres.

Still waiting.....

2008-12-12T22:05:00.001-08:00

When i was a wee lad i had a ton of comic books, Inside there would always have these advertisement for toys and gadgets, So being the naive one i put $2.00 in an envelope and waited patiently.....Well it's been well over 25 years and i still havent gotten my damn army men....I hate you all......

Say it ain't so.

2008-12-11T21:12:00.000-08:00

Ok, so i watch alot of movies, Tons of them. Every once in a while i run into a movie based on real events or whatever and i think to myself, can humans really be this stupid.. apparently yes, and hollywood churns a profit, Yay!

Open waterWhy would you do this? Why would you dive in open waters and drift off from your party, Its a shame to have happened but damn. There's sharks in there! Man 0 -Nature 2

A perfect stormSo a bunch fisherman give it the old college try in hopes to score the catch of the century and run smack into a storm. Mother nature ain't takin no guff.

Into the wildSome guy gives up his earthly posessions and decides to live off the land and lo and behold, he ends up starving to death. I don't even want to take a walk in a park, why would you want to live in a friggin forest wiping your ass with a rabbit? I don't get it..

Grizzly manOk this is beyond me, Some guy actually camps out and lives in the woods with grizzly bears and other animals all while swearing on earth that nature is his best friend. You may think that either this guy is a total nut job or actually cares for these animals. Fuck it, this guy is nuts. Nice scenery and lots of nature shots will make you feel like living out there too, That's until the last act when he's mauled and eaten by said friends of the forest. Brother bear they ain't.

Amityville horrorNo amount of santeria or chango or whatever will make me stay in that house. Oh yeah and before i leave, MOLOTOV!!

I will karate chop you into oblivion

2008-12-01T08:01:00.000-08:00

In the 80's every saturday at exactly 3 pm was time for Drive in movie on channel 5, The majority of the films were martial arts, And damn i couldn't wait. Every other month they'd play 5 deadly venoms and i never got tired of watching it, I could list the hundred or so films shown that i still somehow remember but i'll just put up a few. And of course they are Shaw bros. The company responsible for releasing the very best in old school kung fu films. These kung fu films shined brightly until the early 90's where a new type kung fu cinema hit the circuit. But that's another post.

They always come in three's

2008-11-18T16:36:00.001-08:00

I hate underwater, i hate underwater movies, i hate monsters underwater. I hate them all, it makes me crazy i tell you. When i heard they had made an underwater monster movie i was cringing and running to the theatre at the same time, but three underwater monster movies at almost the same time was something my sanity might not handle, You know, big movie screens, underwater shots.....silence.....then..... Monster!!! I'm a big horror movie fan so i had no choice, but the whole underwater thing...bleeech!! Damn you sharkie..

So, there was this thing about a sunken sub and they send a bunch of guys down there to see how it had happened, but they happen to stumble upon signs of life underwater and we're not talking about the fishy kind. More like a close encounters type of deal but unda da sea! This flick is the best of the bunch, Now go kiss de girrrrl!

Deepstar 6Yep. so a group of scientists in an underwater base go on to disturb an ancient underwater creature and all mayhem breaks loose all thanks to a lobster reptile thingy, Man vs nature with gore everywhere. Will anyone survive? What's my name bitch!......Fith!

LeviathanThis time a team of scientists in yet another underwater lab stumble across a sunken ship and get infected by drinking a flask of liquor they had found aboard...yep.....So they end up with a mutant fish monster thing and it ain't happy, all that and the guy from Robocop too.. oh yeah....and Ernie hudson (but of course, the brother gets killed).

Special mention.....

Devil fishThis movie is soooo bad i cannot accurately describe it. Leave it up to the Europeans to fuck it up. We got your devil fish food!

The gen-x guide to gen-x movies

2008-11-10T18:20:00.000-08:00

Movies always speak for a generation, I would like to point that my generation would most likely be the gen-x generation, aka slackers, aka everything else. What could have been better than being young and giving the man the finger. I've done it at one point, worked menial jobs and being as free as i could ever want to be. Along the way a few movies came out at the time that made perfect sense to me. i would like to capture this moment to reflect back to my past slackerful, grimy, grungy, dirty, not giving a fuck life a.k.a my past

This movie is probably the best of the bunch. Great soundtrack that captured the era perfectly, This movie had a bunch of 20 somethings rocking out and having relationships. nice comedy/drama with a seattle grunge twist.

Yet another movie that came out about the same time to catch in on the craze, The story had to do with a bunch of college grads who have no idea what to do after college, all that and a grunge/mtv feel thrown in and you have "Reality bites".

So two friends fall for the same girl and then end up having a "Threesome" get it?.... anyway, Afterwards the whole friendship thing goes down the crapper. All for the name of ass...Does it get any worse?.....read on.

I don't remember this movie much, I remembered trying to watch this but it was friggin horrible. Stephen dorff is to the grunge era what captain crunch is to pancakes. This movie is straight up gaaaabaaaaage!

A new beginning.

2008-11-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

NUFF SAID...

Gojiraaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

2008-10-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

Yep, I had to do this.
Way back when we didn't have any means of recording movies (70's) we'd had to wait almost a whole entire year for the real deal kickass marathon to begin. And of course we're talking about..Every year they'd give random episodes but here is a list of the ones shown at one point or another.

Godzilla
Gigantis the Fire Monster
King Kong vs. Godzilla
Godzilla vs. The Thing
Ghidrah the Three Headed Monster
Monster Zero
Godzilla vs the Sea Monster
Godzilla vs the Smog Monster
Godzilla vs the Cosmic Monster
The Terror of Mecha-Godzilla
Son of Godzilla
Destroy All Monsters
Godzilla On Monster Island
Godzilla vs Megalon

Thanksgiving was always devoted to Godzilla and King kong flicks(what a strange concept). The Godzilla vs King kong movie was always a favorite (even though the King kong costume was atrocious)

King kong + Godzilla = Beatdownasaurus.

We didn't care about holiday dinner or anything, all we wanted to do was watch good ol godzilla takin' no guff.

Godzilla's universal answer to every question

When Godzilla and Jetjaguar kicked monster @$$ for the first time i couldn't believe my eyes.

Baby zookie in the house (minya)

Save the eaaaaarrth!

I'm not gonna go into godzilla history, Everyone knows that. But let me just go on record to say that Thanksgiving as a child was a cherished moment, A weird rubber costume monster @$$ kicking kind of cherished moment.

I will never forget Godzilla, You are my rubber suit, cheesy monster hero.

Oh yeah....Enjoy your Thanksgiving!!

My 5 minutes of fame

2008-10-14T20:15:00.001-07:00

I had a childhood friend who was an artist, By the time he was in his early 20's he had broken into the comic biz and all of our friends were around to witness it firsthand, one day he started to sketch all of our faces and he said he had a suprise for us, little did we all know he would put us getting killed in a comic book he was working on. My brother and i are on this page. He's the one with the glasses and earing, I'm the one who's bottom face is cut out by a damn caption. Probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done.
Click on the page to view

Monkey sea monkey don't.

2008-10-12T21:46:00.000-07:00

I saw it everyday, That damn sea monkey ad in the comics. I had to do it, i had to! I mean what can be more awesome than having living ummm, sea monkeys in a tank. I mean the whole family just like the picture! niiice! So yeah, i mailed out a coupon and my money and behold, they were sent to me, So i follow the instructions and whatta you know, there's life! c'mon man, grow! c'mon! I can't wait till you sprout legs and arms and hug your family. I'm gonna train them to kick ass and chew gum! ummm...wait..umm...why did they turn to krill? Where's my sea monkey family? This is bullshit!!! Arrghghg! My dream was crushed by some rip off article. I'll never order anything ever again!! oh wait....what's this about 100 army men for 2 bucks? The check is in the mail dude...

work has got me down

2008-10-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

When i'm done working my @$$ off i will put up some new stuff.

Cereal killer in the making

2008-09-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

Waaaay back in the days of no internet,ipod,cell phone or much of anything i resorted to tons of reading (aside from the movie watching,radio listening or videogame playing). I can't possibly list the amount of material i've read growing up but looking back i now realize i might have read things that were out of my league, My father had a little newstand in Brooklyn so i had easy access to certain magazines that i knew were not for kids. So here are the awesome mags i never forgot.

VampirellaThis is a no brainer, what kid would not want to see a partially nude vampire woman run around killing people, ummm yeah it had some short stories or something like that, I used to just stare at the cartoon hooters, Ma! ma! *suckle* *suckle*

Heavy metalOh do i remember this, It had full nudity and at a tender age of 9 or so it was forbidden. Anyone who has ever read this magazine knows not to let their kids read it so imagine my past predicament. I used to hide these so well i couldn't even find them. The price of being young.

Hustler humorI used to read these in my youth and had a blast, Damn those were funny. Why do i still remember Fats and Chester the molester? My insanity continues...

CreepyYet another horror magazine, But i always liked this one and actually had the issue in the pic! I remember this one being more sci-fi with a mix of horror. One particular story i remember featured some kid in the future who puts some gel in his hair and was being chased around the whole time by tons of women..weird... or was that the Eerie magazine...cripes..

EerieThis magazine had semi nudity and were composed of short horror stories. I had to have my monthly fix of this mag or i'd go nuts. Looking back i don't know how i never became a psychopath or serial killer, I just ended up eating alot of cereal.

Just one more

CondoritoPlease don't ask...

Samurai vs ninja vs fishtank

2008-09-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

I had this pocketgame as a kid which i loved, It was called samurai vs ninja, it was cheesy but the idea of ninjas and samurai blew my mind. One day my brother and i got into a arguement and i threw a bunch of his game cartridges in a fishtank, Then in turn he threw my pocketgame in there which ruined the game. The game never worked again, but my memory remained. You owe me man...

Top umm...something.. what the f*ck was i listening to?

2008-09-20T16:59:00.000-07:00

What can be worst than listening to some music nowadays and not being able to relate? How about music you grew up on and thinking it was the best thing ever? Welcome to my semi ridiculous music collection from my youth.

KraftwerkAll my friends thought i had issues when i played it, This must have been the record that lead way to the whole electronica/techno/house thing, But at 8 years old i thought it was alien messages from space, All for a mere 5 bucks and anal probe free. What more can a kid ask for?..

The BeatlesIt was probably not my time to listen to this album, But they had this song called "Daytripper" on it and i was in love with it. Call me stupid but on the song's hook i thought they said "day of the triffids" which was a cheesy b movie that i was obsessed with. Hey man i was little. Fuggedaboutit!

Olivia newton johnI don't know how to explain this one. But i had this album, and it was on constant rotation. My sister used to try and work out while playing this record and we'd laugh and make fart noises, I'm just glad i didn't fall for the Olivia workout fad and wore leggings, That would've been awful...

Weird AlParody songs were pretty funny to me growing up so i had an earful when it came to Weird al. I suppose it was my fucked up sense of humor that i had this one in my collection, Would i ever listen to it now? ummmm. no.

Culture clubCaught up in the 80's craze i bought this album and i thought the songs were pretty good. It was just the whole man/woman thing that children at the time didn't understand. This was probably my worst "what was i thinking" moments. No homo..

La rondallitaI can never forget this album, It had the world famous latin song "Burrito de belen" and every holiday for years we'd play this song until one day the band came to our house and got the damn album back... They wanted payola.
Press play to hear the ultimate cheeseball fest.

Young perception vs adult reality.

2008-09-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

Call me stupid, When you'r a kid you'd believe anything. Aside from the usual fare of movies that i've watched, Horror, Action, Sci fi, There were some that i actually believed would happen when i was in my youth. I've always held on to those thoughts and came out disappointed (or glad) that they never happened. So here are some of those movies.

Bad boysThis movie made me decide to NEVER end up in prison, I mean what is so good about prison besides the brutal rapes, Being beat up and shivved, I call this the scared straight movie of my youth.

The reality is that this movie might be as real it's portrayed, I don't know i've never been to jail. So i'm off the hook.

Class of 1984I saw this in the movies and i didn't want attend high school EVER!. This movie showed violence and drug use with students doing basically whatever they wanted in a run down high school leaving the teachers to fend for themselves.

But in reality my high school was calm and quiet and it was easy to cut class let alone cut school. I was let off the hook again. I didn't get stabbed in the bathroom while dropping a deuce.

10 to midnight

Starring super mustachioed Charles bronson as a cop chasing around a serial killer who preys on women, At one point the killer ran around butt naked with a knife.

In reality i have yet to see a butt naked killer running around or heavily mustachioed cops but i'm not holding my breath.Thought i was kidding?

Dawn of the deadAs a kid i though...It's possible, You know, zombies coming back to life and eat the living because of some medical screw up, I actually looked out into the night in hopes of seeing one slowly walk out of the shadows but it never happened, My nightmare never came thru.

In reality it never happened or will it ever, The only zombies around here are now called junkies. But i'm still waiting....

C.H.U.DThis movie was about a bunch of monsters living in the sewers on New York City. It's hard not to believe this one when i was young, 1. I lived in new york city, 2. I used to see people in them damn subway tunnels all the time, 3. I was really young. So my nightmares worked out perfectly.

The grim reality is that only homeless people live down there and umm. there are no such things as monsters. But i already knew that...

The road warriorAfter this movie was released we were flooded with other movies using the same apocalyptic world gone to hell idea, But in this movie the world has gone to the crapper and everyone survives in small pockets all while battling the forces of an evil motor gang, Everyone is fighting for the same thing, Oil.

In reality it's not too far fetched, While we are not in a post apocalyptic world it seems like maybe we are fighting for control of hmmm. waitaminit.To be continued........

Goodbye C.I.

2008-09-08T17:57:00.001-07:00

In a world where you can't get adjusted to anything, Things beyond anyone's control happen and mess it up for everyone. Sometimes it's noticeable, sometimes not. This week the focus is on the famed Coney Island amusement park, Definitely a landmark for anyone who has ever step foot there and especially for us New Yorkers. It's a sad thing for this to have happened. It just shows to prove nothing lasts forever. I loved this place, The atmosphere, The energy, The music, The crummy food. I've come down to this place ever since i was a child, and i'd get the same initial reaction everytime i'd arrive..

Old school dirty train station before it was recontructed. I bought candy from that very stand the same week it was closing for good and the owner gave me a bunch of free stuff. It's a shame.

How can anyone ever forget Nathan's.

I lived and breathed Fabers arcade in my youth.(especially during school hours)

My favorite ride, Good loud music and motion sickness abound.

You will never win..5 dollars fool!

Either you'd puke or get bruised. Either way you'll be grateful you've lived.

It's a shame to see this place go, All of my fondest memories lie here, I've been here with friends, My entire family, Everyone. I will never forget Coney Island. A fond farewell.

The price of having only 10 T.V channels

2008-09-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

Waaaay before 500 channel cable boxes we had only 10 channels V.H.F 2,4,5,7,9,11 and 13. Also on U.H.F 31,41,47. Nothing but pure entertainment for all to see! (groan). As you can imagine it was hard to divide shows towards targeted audiences so it was simple, Kids shows in the morning and after school and adult shows at night, But sometimes they'd give any show at any given time and since you didn't have enough channels to click thru you had to watch, and watch and watch. Some shows i couldn't stand for the life on me. Here's the horror that was VHF/UHF T.V.

Mama's familyI never understood this show and i don't care, Just a bunch of southern accented country folk snappin dialogue one after the next, I don't remember any of the characters, All i remember are the dreams i had because i always fell asleep. Kiss my grits!I'm sorry, you're as funny as a car crash..

Small wonder
Ummm, this scientist guy creates a robotic little girl and introduces her to the family, all sorts of robotic antics and "you see i told you so" scenarios arise. Every episode ended with some sort of moral message but it's hard to believe it when you have a robot girl talking........ just.....like.....this.....uurrk!
Please unplug.

Silver spoonsThis rich kid that has everything has issues with everything and tries to resolve everything because he has the answers to everything. Yup..a hard show to watch when you live in Brooklyn and you eat spam sandwiches for dinner...Go me!The room i never had, Thanks for killing my esteem..

The love boat
Why would any kid watch a show with grown ass adults frolicking on a cruise ship on an ultimate quest to find love....or ass. All while wearing bellbottoms and open collars with gold chains. Ridiculous pick up lines by horny men knew no bounds. All i wanted to do was to give das boot the boot! Poor isaac..

Mister rogersYup, when there was absolutely nothing else on T.V you had to watch this..And boy was this show boooring. This show always influenced me to find other means of recreation in about 15 minutes. Next!

ManimalOoooohkay! So this guy has the ability to transform into any animal and fight crime. And why would you do that....Since animals can't hold weapons and kick ass.

M.A.N.T.I.SA very good idea on paper with a ho'hum cliche' story , Some guy gets paralyzed by a criminal and invents an exosuit and tons of other gadgets to fight wherever evil is afoot. But how many times can you do the same thing in every episode, Blah blah, this criminal blah blah that, I can't walk ever again! Blah blah. In the last episode he fights an invisible giant dinosaur...umm yeah. That's like having someone give you a nice vanilla waffle cone ice cream cone and then have the person spray fart a topping on it. I have two words.....One season.I have a M.A.N.T.I.S in my pantis.

Everyday at 3:30

2008-09-07T19:15:00.000-07:00

If you grew up in Brooklyn, 3:30 was important. It didn't matter what i did i was always alert, Is it time yet? Damn, not yet. Arrgh! i can't wait, I wonder what'll be on today? Yes! it's almost time! niice! Yo hurry up it's almost on!
Way before video shows featured glitz and glamour and targeted a selected audience and all the B.S there was Video music box. Every breaking artist at the time had his or her 5 minutes here, They played rap videos 5 days a week and also how can i forget alternative thursdays and old school fridays. Ralph mcdaniels kept it real and it all happened on Channel 31, a UHF station back when you can still change the T.V channels with a pair of pliers. Gangsta!

From Awesome to @$$

2008-08-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

It's a 50/50 split when it comes to sequels. Some are actually as good as the first while some have reached the point of ridiculousness. It's a shame that i had to sit thru countless sequels because i love movies so much, So here are some horrible ones i've tried to sit thru before breaking down.(except for Halloween 3).

Highlander 2I was waiting for this one and damn this movie blew chunks. I didn't understand it when it came out, I don't understand it now, Ok, Cortez is back somehow when he was killed in the first movie and now are aliens from another planet, There's no ozone layer and some evil corporation plot thrown in for good measure, Gone is the sense of logic, it looks like random excuses were thrown in to fill the plot holes. If you sit thru this whole movie you will pull your eyes out. There should have been only one.

Halloween 3, Season of the witchI'm not gonna lie The theme song was creepy! But anyway, what the hell happened with this movie. No meyers in sight, Just some wacky plot about mass producing masks with lasers installed in them that would zap your head to mush and make bugs and snakes come out of you. And it's all set to go off during a halloween commercial! Get it? Halloween..Get it? Boink!

Star wars ep.1Jar jar binks.....Can i punch you in the face?

Jaws 4 the revengeHow can a shark actually follow a family across the globe, I don't care how much you explain it, That's not possible. Sometimes i can't even find my keys in my own apartment. Oh yeah and he roared at the end which is impossible, Fuck sharkie!

Friday the 13th, Jason takes manhattanSo Jason stows away on a boat and ends up in huge ass Manhattan, He ends up finding his intended targets and killing them once again, In huge ass manhattan. But wait, Manhattan looks so clean and there's no rats or even people walking around, it's totally desolate. Has anyone in the film crew ever been to New york city?

Lost boys 2 The tribeWhaaaat? ok, There's a bunch of young vampires walking around and acting like complete idiots with one holding a camera. You will not remember any of the characters in this movie, There's is no build up of suspense or any mystery or suprise conclusion, Just a pure confusing mess, And the surviving frog brother was put in there to link the two movies together, I will not even go into depth with the plot, Trust me, You will not care! Why would they even mention a superior movie (The goonies) that was released almost 20 years ago in this god aweful tripe of crap. If this movie is a metaphor for today's youth it means they all have A.d.d. Fuck you.

AND NOW FOR THE WORST...

Creepshow 3Cripes is this movie bad! Please don't rent, borrow, buy or steal this movie. For anyone who hasn't seen any Creepshow movie here's the scoop, It basically a movie made up of about 3 or 4 short horror stories to make up a complete package, People in Hollywood have way too much money to actually blow a few mil and come up with this result, The stories make no sense and are entertwined ala Pulp fiction, The sets and actors are reused again and again, The acting is horrible, Please make this nightmare end...ok, i'm gonna explain the stories to see if they make sense to you. Just imagine every scene with terribly bad actors acting badly.

0. Opening scene with a cartoon that looks so bad, you won't believe it. Makes South park look like Picasso.

1. A girl clicks on a remote control and her family changes nationalities (oh, the horror!) and she also changes into a goop monster. Afterwards she changes into a rabbit. (i knew that was gonna happen)

2.A loser purchases a junky ass radio that speaks to him much to his amazement, Why would you buy a radio off a bum? So he kills someone and then umm...zzzz, yeah and then he does something else, and some characters from the other scene stop by and yeah. ok. Moving on.

3.A hooker meets up with a john, But little does he know she's a killer but he turns the tables and kills her! Because he's a vampire!! Wow!

4.Two students visit a teacher at his home and think his wife is a robot so they go ahead and cut her to pieces trying to see what makes her tick, But ends up she was real! Get it?

5.A mean ass doctor let's a bum choke on a hot dog and then becomes haunted by said hot dog bum. Yikes!

6. Ending scene with a demonic hot dog vendor overlooking the whole so called story arch thing and ends with the worst c.g.i i have ever seen.Suck it!

Baaaadum baaaadum A.K.A My biggest fear.

2008-08-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

My mother was a big movie buff, Every chance we got we'd go and watch whatever had come out at the time, It wasn't difficult to pick a movie since releases were very limited at the time (1970's). I've seen the commercial, Was kind of hesitant to go, but i was young and had no say, So we went off to see it. I was so miniscule and the screen so big, I watched as a young woman decided to take a dip, and then the song played. Baaadum Baaadum. I blame this on my parents..

I was terrified, I was so scared i covered my eyes. I opened them every once in a while when i heard normal music and people talking. when it was all over i wasn't a happy camper, It induced nightmares, I grew out of it but i never grew out of my fear of sharks. The only way i could ever overcome is if i actually killed a shark with my own hands and then woke up from fainting afterwards. I hate you shark.

If this ever happened to me i'll just swim into the shark's mouth and get it over with....

Random comic titles that soothed my soul.

2008-08-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Who didn't love comic books growing up? I lived and breathed comics for a long time and i always had my favorites, Comic books were one of my forms of escapism from everyday life. I knew names, Origins, The whole 9, So here's my random favorite comic book heroes, Villians and titles.

5.The nam'No, i'm not a veteran, But i was a sucker for war movies and books, This one gave us kiddies a chance to read about the war in our language, A non bloody, no cussin', cartoonish depiction of a real disasterous war which was The Vietnam war. All for 75 cents.

4.LoboA staple of 80/90's comic book violence, The main man killed first and asked questions later, He always chomped cigars, Drank alcohol, Banged women and cursed more than a sailor. My ultimate role model, You couldn't ask for anything more in a book. The ultimate guide to being a badass.

3.Justice leagueBack when comics were simple, Dc comics decided to relaunch the justice league and boy did it work, Cutting away from the early 80's robotic form this new team had a fairly loose crew that fought, dated and fought more among themselves than the villians. Could be perceived as "The real world" of comics. This was a genius move by all parties involved. I had it's entire run and stopped collecting after it was changed again and again, bleh!

2.NamorI wasn't a big namor fan until Marvel comics decided to give him a more dark and sinister look which was perfect for my taste, And on top of that it featured Iron fist? I was in comic geek heaven. The artist (Jae lee) was awesome and i considered him an influence towards my artwork. After a quick run thru the series the book went back to the crapper. Hence me moving on to other titles.

1.Grendel.How can i ever forget Grendel. It had a cult following and never gained anything more than an independent status, And a one shot deal with Batman. Grendel characters change all the time, But the one i remember most was the 12 issue series by the Pander bros featuring really colorful bloody artwork.

SPECIAL MENTION

Rorshach(watchmen)An awesome character, Cold, Calculated and maniacal, He never bathed and kicked ass. I'm not riding The watchmen wagon here (The movie is coming out this year), This book has been out since the 80's.

The death of strangers

2008-08-22T00:35:00.000-07:00

In it's heyday, Grunge music was on the top of it's form, Countless musicians had come struggling across as the next big act while some basked in the spotlight with ease. Soundgarden, Nirvana, Pearl jam, Alice in chains and Red hot chili peppers ruled the airwaves, It didn't seem like it was ever going to end, Hit after hit, band after band, The songs kept coming, And at it's grunge peak, At the very top it all came crumbling down. The death of Kurt cobain, Yes i was affected, Even people who didn't like the genre were talking about it, How can it happen, Why, who, when, what, It doesn't matter. it's done, it's over, The person who spoke for a generation is gone, The 90's version of john lennon, I never understood anything he said, Maybe he wasn't speaking to me, But in a way i understood something. I layed on the grass in a park and wondered why the world was unfair. I don't have that luxury anymore, not like i used to. That event changed my perception entirely, And maybe it changed everyone's perception, Never to hold on to a person, Especially a stranger. I would never hold an emotion like that ever again.

Some odd years later a similar fate occured, This time around it was Layne staley, Alice in chains frontman, The same person who was at the top of his game in the 90's grunge era, Another voice of a generation, A person who never wanted to pass his vices to anyone. In a way he warned people throughout his music. A person who had a worst fate than death, a recluse drug addict who layed dead for a week before anyone bothered to look. This time around, No one cared. No media coverage, No mural, No radio special or tribute describing his life. Nothing. Was this a sign that the world has indeed changed, And in some weird subconscious felt the same way as myself. Is life that short that everyone worries about themselves and never take the time out to give a nod. Or are we just moving along for the next big thing and not looking back to see what we left behind. R.I.P 1967 - 2002

Totally random movie review

2008-08-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

The crow, City of angels (click on image to read)

The audio/video awesomeness of the 80's

2008-08-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, I was a big tech freak, I used to take things apart and tinker around, I've actually been shocked before trying to fix a tv when i was 10 or so. Throughout the years i've had a variety of things, from videogame consoles, tv sets to walkmans. These are the items i could not live without. I didn't have everything, but what i had i enjoyed.

5.Portable record playerI had a ton of 45" records that i used to play on this, it had one speaker for sound and it was non stereo, I remember playing The beatles and some Sesame street on it.(so weird)

4.Toploader vcrwhen my parents bought this it was unforgettable, I couldn't fathom the thought of playing movies in your home on a tape (i was naive). We had rented a few movies and all our friends and family came over to watch it, The three movies were, The warriors, The Exorcist and ummm...oh damn , I dont remember. The remote control had a cable that was only about 3 or 4 ft so it didn't make sense to use it.

3.Cb radio I got one for christmas and i loved it, A few of my friends had walkie talkies and we used to talk to each other late at night when everyone went home. Sometimes we'd pick up phone conversations and were able to answer back and the hilarity insued. Good times man, what's your handle good buddy?

2.boombox with tvDid we have to beg for this? Hell yeah, What could be more awesome than having a dual tape player boombox with a tv built in? Nothing! This thing lasted forever until i blew half of the radio trying to fix it (let me see if my theory is correct) My brother knows what i'm talking about, lol. Anyway, The finest memory i have is when my brother actually had gotten robbed for the boombox and we had sent the biggest guy we knew to get it back and he did!

1!!8 Track playerOk, I grew up listening to music, alot of it, The 8 track was one of my parent's favorite, A vast majority of 8 track tapes we had were actually in spanish. I didn't have a problem with that since i understood it, Knowing multiple languages rule. I remember at the very end of the 8 track's cycle i used to record songs off the radio and just like that it disappeared into obscurity.

Weird @$$ shows they only showed at 6 a.m or Why are you up so early?

2008-08-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

Monday through friday was school time but on the weekends i used to get up early in the morning just waiting for the cartoon rush to come on, but before the good stuff you'd had to sit through the weird shows, The ones that didn't make sense at 6 a.m because you was always half asleep, My drive to watch awesome cartoons made me survive the horror which was 6 to 8 a.m . Only 2 hours to go and it's on baby! wait....zzzz..ummm yeah. 2 hours!! Christ this sucks....zzzzz...

1.Great space coasterIt was basically a muppet show, i only remember gary gnu because he always read the so called news and the theme song was infectious. I have no life.

2.Hot fudgeNo one remembers this, It was yet another muppet show but a bit weirder, I liked this show but i don't remember any of the characters. i just remember the title and theme song. Ain't i useful?

3.New zoo reviewHoly sh*t, This reminds me of the sun coming up. I remember some of these characters, Henrietta hippo and Freddy the frog, Oh jeez, This is troubling. The madness has kicked in.

4.David and goliathWhat a way to pimp religion on a sunday by having clay figures show you right from wrong at 6 a.m, I always thought talking dogs were the work of the devil, and the show started at 6? hmmm.. where were the other 2 six's. Someone was trying to tell me something..

5.GumbyIt's no secret why they gave this a 6 a.m slot, Because no one gave a damn about Gumby! This show always transformed me into a snoreasaurus rex. zzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

The awesome gift of giving or cool sh*t i got as a gift

2008-08-19T17:01:00.000-07:00

Ok, If you read my last post then here's the other 50%. The good stuff, The best of the best, the unforgettable things I've gotten as a kid, This is what being a kid was all about, I won't put the obvious stuff like video games, bikes and remote control cars, because those are always cool. I'll just keep it at 5 or this list would go on forever, These are just the ones i actually enjoyed the most.

5.Evel KnievelOh man, you revved this sucker up and off it went, jumping ramps and everything. This is a man's man world dammit! arrghgh!

4.SuckermanOK, so you throw this thing on walls and windows and he'd stick only because it's whole body is covered with suction cups, Threw it to the ceiling? OK, just wait a half hour, it'll come back down. I actually had gotten curious to see how it would look with no cups and cut off all the suctions with a razor. Poor thing.

3.Tabletop PacmanYes!!! You can put this in your backpack and play it whenever you wanted to, awesome! Oh wait, the battery life sucked..And no adapter. Bleh!

2.Big wheelsI will run you over, your mother, your father, your dog, your hamster, your whole family!!! Booyaaa!

1!!.Shogun warriorsWhen i received this, My brother and i screamed for joy. These things were 2 to 3 feet tall and shot out missiles! I love you shogun warriors!!

HONORABLE MENTION

MicronautsI had a weird obsession with Micronauts, My favorite was Acroyear. I wonder why they never got any recognition?

SUPER HONORABLE MENTION

Epoch man!!!This was a pacman rip off but it was fun to play, I actually played it in the middle of church mass on sundays (i had no soul). My friend also had one and we used to play it to death. Didn't think i'd remember Epoc man.

Happy birthday! bleeech!

2008-08-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

I loved my childhood birthday parties, all of my little friends and family would come over and party away practically all night long, i was born in the summer so it was always hot, I couldn't complain, my parents did the best they could for me, When it came time for my presents there was a 50/50 shot that i actually got something i wanted, Back then you could count how many toys came out in the past 6 months on one hand. But not matter what, i found myself with the same presents year after year, so here is the top 5 presents i've always received.

1.Hungry hungry hippos This game is super fun when you have siblings or friends willing to play at the same time, it was always so noisy and the fun lasted for about 15 minutes before the super boredom set in.

2.Etch and sketch I hated this, I wasn't into art so i could never draw anything except squiggly penises and breasts, This game or whatever you want to call it was never any fun, just a frustrating mess. Pass.

3.Spirograph Ok, so you just put the round thing in there and make circles. Woweee, I remember recieving this as a gift and i gave it back because i had 2 sets already. Aarrghgh!

4.Stratego Call me stupid, But i never conjured up a thought of winning a strategy battle at the age of 8, I didn't know what to do with the pieces, i couldn't understand it, I just took the pieces and ran them over with my remote control car. What a mess..

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

5.Clackers Ok here's a thought, Give a small child a toy made out of two small hard plastic balls held by strings, Yes! the possibilites of getting injured are endless! Wow was this thing loud, you couldn't play with it in the house, and if you were unfortunate enough to get one in the winter you had to freeze your ass outside. on a good note if you hated your friends you could just hit them with it. I had several of these and i always had black and blues on my arm, Thank you genius toy makers!

HONORABLE MENTION

Mr PotatoheadWhat? how can i not hate this. I'd lose the pieces in about 1 day, I never saw the fun in changing faces on a friggin potato, and none of which made him/her look any better. A toy strictly for psychos. And i had this when he used to have a smoking pipe. What where they thinking?

The oldest cassette tape i have a.k.a Grave goods

2008-08-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

My brother worked for the great Diamond distributor here in New York city, The company distributed baseball cards, comic books, and all sorts of memorabilia, My brother would always bring something home for me to have, i remember i had just returned home from a 6 month vacation, It was damn near freezing in New York city, He had given me a cassette tape, The name of the band was Grave goods, I have never heard of them, neither had my brother, he said everyone was throwing them around back at the warehouse, I listened to it,and to my suprise it had a unique sound, i can compare it to punk with a bit of the police mixed in. I kept listening to it until it grew on me, I've had this album since '92 and i still listen to it, Every time i do it just brings me back to that time. I dont know of a person who actually owns this album,In my book, this album is cool. On a side note, the vocalist is actually a comic book writer, Paul jenkins. Which is why my brother had gotten a copy back then.

Track Listings
1. Bred In The Bone
2. Bell (The Bell Is A Downed Man)
3. New Face Revealed
4. Thomas
5. Core Vacancy
6. Web Of Everything
7. Sword
8. Tower Of Silence
9. The Fallen
10. President Quayle
11. Walking To Destruction
12. Shadow Season
13. Narrow House

Legend of the Overfiend

2008-08-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

I used to frequent comic book conventions with my friends in Manhattan, Every time we would go we'd get autographs from artists and writers, we also bought memorabilia and movies, I was a big fan of anime (it was pretty new in the states) and American cartoons (ren and stimpy) and so on. I had owned a couple of jap anime like Vampire hunter d, Akira, Fist of the north star. At one convention i had purchased a VHS tape with the title Legend of the Overfiend, I've never heard of it, but i took my chances, Once i got home i got some dinner, sat down in my living room with my brother and popped in the tape, (the following was my reaction)Oh, nice animation, Dude the action scenes are off the meter. Oh damn there's alot of naked cartoon women running around, Awesome a big demon just appeared from nowhere, ummm. what is that a tentacle? wait that's not a tentacle that's a ..umm...wait there's 20 tentacle thingies....oh wait, what is he doing to that woman...Oh shit...every hole?
What the hell did i buy?

Welcome to the world of Hentai..I had unwillingly bought a "hentai" movie, we laughed at the notion that whoever made such a cartoon must be nuts. There was enough flying genitalia and violent sex scenes to fill half the planet, I was amazed and repulsed. To gonna be honest, i actually enjoyed the story and actually purchased the other parts to the series, i never got into the whole hentai thing which is good, i never saw any other hentai cartoon till this day, One porn cartoon series was good enough for me, Thanks.

The artist formally known as

2008-08-17T20:17:00.000-07:00

I couldn't draw for the life of me, I wasn't artistic as a kid, I don't have any scribble art laying around from when i was a kid because i never did any, I had hobbies but art was not one of them, When i was in high school i actually failed my art course, i didn't know how to put 2 lines together to save my life, In my teens i was going thru changes, which is normal, I needed an output and i started doodling,Trying to think of things to draw, my friends were artists and they gave me that push to keep it up, my drawings were aweful, i give my friends credit, they supported me all the way even thought my art sucked,Oh damn, my art was so bad, just take a look.Suckage..

I tried so hard but to no avail, maybe because i never had lessons, My art wasn't getting better, I had a bad break up from a relationship and everything changed (i was 20 at the time), I started to paint and draw, everything came out pretty solid, It was suprising to me because it was a night and day difference, I'm not ever going to say i'm the best or even good, but it helped me out. I won't post a ton of drawings but i'll just put the latest one.all of my other artwork can be seen here.

And now for the artist formally known asThe title doesn't lie!!

My first comic book.

2008-08-17T19:20:00.000-07:00

I was only 6 years old at the time,We had gone to this rinky dink book/comic store in Brooklyn, I clearly remember the place being extremely small with tons of long comic and magazine boxes on shelves. It smelled like cigars and the owner was this grumpy old fella, After looking around a bit i saw something that caught the attention of my brother and i, I begged my mother and after displaying my puppy dog eye routine she gave in. I was so excited, i stared at it while going home, i couldn't wait to get there so i can take my time and read the entire book, Should i show it to you? Your not ready for the badass 70's style...What can be better than a jive talkin' dude and an ass kicking karate master? NOTHING! I went nuts, I read this comic till no end, i jive talked and karate chopped my bunk bed and twin brother. I was iron fist! Haaaeeeiiiiaaaa!!!!

As the years went on i became a comic book collector, I loved the world i had built for myself, so many stories and amazing artwork, It was rare to have missed an issue of anything back then,i read everything. Marvel comics, DC comics, Independent comics, In my 20's i actually worked in a comic book store, which to me was the best job i ever had, But times have changed now, I no longer read comics, The market has become flooded with books, it's insane that kids don't even read comic books, every time i happen to be in a comic book shop it's all adults walking around, But i don't blame them, the majority of comics are actually aimed at adults, so the Sock! Bam! Pow! days are practically over. I read some every once in a while, but that spark has long gone, it's a shame, Because reading comics was something i used to cherish so much.

Yo jooooooooh! shit!

2008-08-17T16:10:00.000-07:00

G.i joe in it's heyday was better than school, money, girls, what did i know, i was only 13 so scratch out the girls part, I dont know if i'd say i was a product of my environment but i had a penchant for stealing, Not insanely big things, just toys or small things not worth a damn but i'd go to this department store called T.S.S with my childhood friends and we'd all split up and steal, especially g.i joes. One day i decided to go alone and try to get my score of action figure heaven, It was all set, I had Junkyard and Spirit scoped out and ripe for the pickin',no security, check! G.i joe stashed, check! animal sidekicks stashed, check! weapons safely hidden, check! We were ready to go!, As soon as i was about to leave i was caught by a security guard, "Get off of me" i said, He dragged me upstairs while i kicked and screamed, for some reason when we sat down he pulled out a file with my name on it, I was suprised because i have never been caught, He had my name,address and phone number, but when i looked at the signature...Arrrghggh! It had to be him.....had to. It seems like my evil twin brother had gone there the previous week and had gottent caught, but failed to inform me. i didn't say anything, i told the security guard i was crazy and didn't remember and i put up a fight, after i forked over the action figures and weapons he let me go, i gave him the finger and ran out. It was my brother's fault. He ruined my perfect never been caught stealing record, All i want to know is, what in blazes was he trying to steal the week before? hmmm...

Brooklyn's in the house represent, represent.

2008-08-15T16:26:00.000-07:00

I love rap music, in fact i can go as far back as 79' with the sugar hill gang vinyl lp, The eighties had it's slew of rappers which can be labeled pioneers, just pick one, everyone had something to say, Rap music was the new thing and it was only around for 4 years before it became mainstream, Breakdancing came about (myself being a breakdancer and b-boy) and electro wasn't far behind, everything was progressing smoothly, But as the 80's grew to a close everyone in hip hop was waiting for the next new thing. it seemed like the 80's rappers were stuck in a time zone, some never emerged from it, some actually made whole careers afterwards, Back then things were simple, there wasn't a flash flood of albums, it was easier to anticipate any type of album without being sidetracked by 15 others. The year was 1990 and i had gone to a music store called Musique back in brooklyn. I had a choice as to which 2 albums to buy, Twin hype or A tribe called quest. I already had a twin hype single but i never heard a tribe track yet, So i grabbed Twin hype, After i came back home i listened to the album for about 10 minutes and my brother suggested i'd take that piece of sh*t back and get A tribe called quest. I went back and adamantly got The tribe album, One of the best decisions i made regarding music.

"Push It Along" – 7:42
"Luck of Lucien" (featuring Lucien Revolucien) – 4:32
"After Hours" – 4:39
"Footprints" – 4:00
"I Left My Wallet in El Segundo" – 4:06
"Pubic Enemy" (featuring DJ Red Alert) – 3:45
"Bonita Applebum" – 3:50
"Can I Kick It?" – 4:11
"Youthful Expression" – 4:52
"Rhythm (Devoted to the Art of Moving Butts)" – 4:01
"Mr. Muhammad" – 3:33
"Ham 'n' Eggs" – 5:27
"Go Ahead in the Rain" – 3:54
"Description of a Fool" – 5:41

I couldn't believe what i was hearing, no corny beats or ridiculous rhymes, The tracks were laid back and very conscious, The Bonita applebum track blew my mind, The whole album is listenable without you letting out a groan. While there were other rap groups to grasp the afrocentric conscious rap wave only a few actually paved the way throughout the years. After a 5 album run the group decided to called it quits. This was in the span of about 8 years. Afterwards the key members released solo albums which were quite disappointing, It just showed how times have changed, No one really cared for it anymore, It's easy to get swept under the rug when there's 20 albums being released per month, It was good while it lasted, A tribe called quest will always have a fan.

Evil + Dead + 11 = Insanity

2008-08-15T13:32:00.000-07:00

When i was 11 years old my family and i had gone to a little grindhouse movie theatre in Williamsburg, Brooklyn named The Commodore. It was our getaway from everyday life, We have gone to this theatre many times, But on this night i had begged my parents to take me to see this new horror movie. Once we entered we got to our seats, it was a packed house and there were people actually standing around as all the seats were taken. The light dimmed, the projector started and then began..As the scenes went on people were screaming in fear and walking out, I covered my face a few times but couldn't help it anymore. Everyone was jumping out of their seats, One person threw up a few rows from us, It was absolute chaos, The tree rape scence might have been too much for the likes of my mother, Who couldn't watch it anymore, My brother and i kept laughing because we would've never expect such a reaction from the audience, let alone my parents. after it was all over everyone was mortified, It was a 2 hour rollercoaster ride including the vomit. Such an innocent time were everything was sacred, Evil dead changed the way horror movies were made. They don't make movies like this anymore....Period

Just a thought
At this day and age a person would pay full price to see a movie and sit through half of it talking on a cellphone, The movie industry is about money, to see who could break who's record, There's no quality or content, just all filler. (i'm not speaking for every horror movie, just the vast majority) If you happen to talk thru a movie nowadays, don't worry, it'll be on dvd in a month. It's no secret the film industry doesn't put the effort into making good horror films anymore, Movies like The evil dead have gone the way of the dinosaur.

The album that made me think differently about rock music,

2008-08-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

I've listened to just about every genre of music, rock, rap, reggae, disco, the list goes on and on. As the years went by so did music genres and styles. In the early 90's a wave came out of nowhere and swept us with some new music, Music had changed drastically to basically challenge a new era, So came grunge music, or alternative if you will. I know i can sit here and name names that are familiar to everyone, and while there were many great bands and albums, One stuck out to me as the best. Brad
"Buttercup" – 4:14
"My Fingers" – 3:19
"Nadine" (Gossard, Smith) – 3:31
"Screen" (Smith) – 5:11
"20th Century" – 4:02
"Good News" (Smith) – 4:23
"Raise Love" – 4:14
"Bad for the Soul" – 1:11
"Down" (Toback) – 4:17
"Rockstar" – 2:47
"We" – 5:26

The album was called "Shame", And it opened up my ears to music in a good way, On top of all the other bands that were making noise around this time (1993) i always listened to this one, The album consists of some rock, funk fusion with an occasional ballad. One song "Buttercup" had popped up on movie soundtracks and tv shows, The band went on to form other side projects like Satchel and Pigeonhed which are also good. I still have the first Brad album and listen to it whenever i'm in the mood for it. It's worth a listen if you have the time.

Mad vs Cracked vs Crazy

2008-08-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows Mad magazine, I didn't know any kid growing up when i was young who didn't read it, The magazines were easily available to myself at the time since my father owned a magazine stand in Brooklyn. There were other imitators out there, Which i didn't mind reading either. Below i have a couple which were in circulation at the time. I love this pic because of my ever hating fascination of sharks. (that's another story)

Cracked magazine
Clearly a Mad magazine imitator including a nerdy mascot with big ears. I never thought Cracked magazine was any funnier, but what the hell, Things were different back then and i clearly had too much times on my hands.

Last but not least, Crazy magazine
I clearly remember this, It had Kinetic kids and the magazine mascot Obnoxio the clown. I found it weird that he chomped on cigars, was mean spirited all around and also sported the never bathed look. I always thought this magazine had a darker side to it and that's probably why i enjoyed reading it. I won't even try to acquire any of these, i know it's impossible.

It's a sad thing that i never kept any of these issues,But i will always remember.

Obnoxio the clown

The dawn of gaming

2008-08-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

The year was about 1978 and was introduced to this classic game called Pong, I got one as a gift and i thought it was the best thing in the world. To think that i actually used to lose playing this, My reflexes were the equivalent of molasses, I'd like to say we were a generation of slow starters. This opened up a whole new world to me, i knew this was not the end but the beginning.
And then came.. Atari.After I've seen an ad for the Atari 2600 i went completely nuts. I begged my parents till no end, My father gave in and bought one for us for Christmas. I couldn't think of anything better than this. In my opinion Atari had opened up the floodgates to my gaming history.

I loved arcade games, Even though i now think i might have been too young to frequent game rooms, that's what i loved to do.I've been to every arcade in New York city and i damn played in every one of them. even after the main consoles hit the scene (nes, snes, genesis) and so forth, I still played arcade machines. everything kind of died down about 2001- 2002. almost every arcade closed down, The market became flooded with consoles and games which contributed to it's downfall. it's a sad thing, I had scores of fun while it lasted and it lasted a long time, Every time i see an arcade machine somewhere in some corner of a pizzeria or a store, I still to this day stop and play.

Wometco home theatre

2008-08-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

What the hell is that you say? A really old cable tv station or cable box called WHT, It was actually a rival to HBO in the late 70's early 80's. I happened to snag one when i was about 11 by a neighbour who was leaving the country, I couldn't fathom the possibility of whole movies being played on your tv without commercials, It was a dream come true. Aside from the usual fare of 70's/80's flicks being on constant rotation, There was a series called Nightcap, It showed hairy bush, no genital or penetration porn, Always after 11 p.m, far late for the kiddies to watch, (don't ask how i know this). It also showed obscure movies during the day that were very strange, I could never shake off the weird ones i've seen growing up, the cable station was eventually cancelled in 1988, I always wondered what would be the possibilities of seeing any of these shows again, After digging around i've found a few movies i still remember. My viewing experience could be summed up to a really early version of MTV's Liquid Television, Which i became an instant fan when it aired in the 90's

1. Forbidden zone
It had that guy from fantasy island running around dry humping women, So strange..
I managed to find a clip of it, (not the humping part).

2. A boy and his dog
Don johnson walking around in some post apocalyptic world talking to his psychic dog. (just a pic)

3. Sally cruikshank's Quasi at the quackadero
Hard to explain this one, it's a cartoon that i never forgot about, I actually managed to get a dvd copy of her work thru her website, http://www.funonmars.com/. If you've seen any of her cartoon shorts you'd know that it's trippy. I knew that i'd find it someday. Thank you internet.

The show that made me creepy.

2008-08-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

Growing up i was a huge horror movie fan, it all started at the tender age of 5 or so, There was a tv channel here in new york city where they'd show cheesy horror movies, Usually on the weekends. It had this this scary intro sequence which scared me till no end, I used to climb on the bed with my siblings and was always afraid to put my feet on the floor. What was the name of the show? Chiller theatre. I also remember they'd always show a movie called Psychomania, it was about an undead biker gang with british accents. I liked the helmets though, I always wanted one.

The mystery of that friggin movie, Mausoleum.

2008-08-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge movie fan, I can't stress enough the amount of time i've spent in the movie theatre, Going back to the movie Jaws in the 70's (but that's another story).
I remember seeing this movie called mausoleum in the theatre when i was about 12, I'll try to sum it up the way i remember
1. Some dead guy in an apartment with a closet stuffed with corpses
2. Electricity flying from his fingers, forks and plates stuck to the walls
3. A woman with killer nipples that ate thru a guy's chest.
4. A bunch of people running thru a mausoleum with corpses floating around
5. The same killer nipple woman having weird powers.
6. A corpse jumping in front of the camera at the end that almost gave me an instant heart attack.....

Fast foward a few decades later.

(Present)
I'm looking for movies to watch online and i see the movie Mausoleum. And automatically i remember it. I sat down and watched it. and to my suprise the nipple with teeth part was there and a whole bunch other small things i remembered, but what happened to the teens running around on the mausoleum? where are the forks and plates in the walls? Where are the bodies in the closet? Where are the, umm. This was the movie i saw but it's missing a whole lot of scenes replaced by other scenes. I must be going insane...I looked all over the net and found not a thing. Where was my movie!!
Then i get a tip off from my brother.
"Dude, there's this other movie called One dark night, and it had a bunch of teens in a mausoleum with floating corpses." He said, So i check it out and lo and behold, it's the movie, But how in the hell i mixed two movies into one? After some reading it seems like there were actually two movies called Mausoleum and came out about the same time. One stayed with the same title, The other was changed to One dark night. I'm not crazy after all, I didn't get hit by a rock and knocked into oblivion. I will never know how it got mixed together.

Killer Nipples...

No killer nipples...

Crazy what? The art of cereal munching

2008-08-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

So i'm sitting here daydreaming of cereal since i haven't eaten it in months, all i can think about were the ones that are long gone and forgotten, So here's a tribute to the unusual cereals that i've had in my youth.

5.Super sugar crispThis guy had a smooth voice complimentary of the 70's ya dig? Cardboard tasting cereal that left the milk brown and sweet as hell. To me the cereal had the scent of light coffee or something. And sometimes the prize was a real cut out record that you could use on your record player. Ain't the 70's cool?

4.Cookie Crisp Who knew the vanilla flavor would not last as long as the chocolate chip. Oh i could just taste the sweet vanilla cookie thing, We miss ya buddy.

3.GremlinsI knew this one wasn't gonna last long, Just a gimmick to cash in on the movie craze, It tasted worse than cap'n crunch and it was hard as hell, I remember one time my friend slept over and we ate a whole box of cereal while acting like crazed gremlins at 2 a.m, Ah the memories, Steven Ryan, Where are you dude?

2.KaboomIf you were poor or broke, You bought kaboom, This cereal sucked, It tasted like paper with sugar on it, A poor man's lucky charms. Bleh! This cereal was asstastic!

1.Crazy cowYou can't beat this cereal, Awesome taste of real chocolate. Drinking the milk afterwards wasn't bad either. I want my Crazy Cow! R.I.P dude, Mooooo!!

HONORABLE MENTION

QuispOh this cereal was so good, You couldn't find it anywhere, usually only in rinky dink supermarkets. This one disappeared after time but was my cap'n crunch clone favorite. Oh the horror.