Chiller theatre

 

 When i was a small child, roughly about 5 or 6 years old i discovered Chiller theatre. It was shown on Channel 11 here in New York City in the 70's. My siblings and i would roundup in bed with our feet never touching the ground, (I always imagined that hand grabbing me from under the bed). Popcorn in hand just waiting for that introduction that scared us half to death. It felt like some strange rollercoaster ride. Those were great times for us. The movies shown included a slew of Hammer films, A few Godzilla movies, And tons of B movies. 

I truly miss those days, When you literally had to wait an entire week to watch one horror movie. The excitement and planning out my weekend made it possible for me to watch them, Thank you Chiller theatre for introducing me to the horror genre. 

The most memorable movies from my childhood Part 1

 Thinking back i can remember the first batch of movies Ive ever watched as a kid. I'm breaking down this list from age 5 until about 10 years old. In no particular order.

Psychomania

 Always on chiller theatre. A bunch of brits on motorcycles join an occult and are granted immortality. During the course of the movie they kept trying to kill themselves to no avail, aaand then something happens at the end with some frog. I need to watch this again.




Horror express

 Eeeew. so there's a bunch of people on a old timey steam engine train and there's a monster on the loose. It had Kojack, Vampire great Christopher lee and Grand moff tarkin, umm i mean Peter cushing. Memorable moments include the victim's bleeding eyes and mouth. And those Glowing monster eyes. Gets me every time.




Godzilla

 Of course Godzilla made this list. Out of all of the syndicated movies Godzilla vs smog monster always resonates. From the trippy psychadelic tunes and visuals to Godzilla straight ripping out the smog monster's babies from her stomach of whatever you want to call it. This will always be my favorite.




Jaws

First horror movie i ever watched in a theatre. made me hate sharks.. and water... and swimming.




Ben

 Seen this on television and i loved it. It made me sympathetic to rodents and see them as more than vile creatures. Which was indeed good news for pet stores and bad news for my parents.




Gamera

 He was a pissed off turtle who lived underwater. He always gave the ol turtle stank eye and literally flew into action destroying everything and kicking monster butt while leaving half of the population homeless. On a good note he loves the children.




War of the gargantuas

 From the corner of my mind i dug this one out. From what i remember there were two giant creatures one was always angry and the other one passive. They end up coming to blows because the angry one kept causing mayhem. It's like sibling rivalry gone wrong.




Infra-man

What's not to love about Infra-man, Goofy characters in costumes chop sockying the crap out of each other. This is way before power rangers, Actually way before anything else of its type here in the states. Highly recommended!!

The toys i loved as a kid. And the terrible adult perception that followed.

I had a ton of toys in my childhood, I didn't need life lessons, i had these to guide me though and teach me the basics of my lifelong journey. I gave myself a psyche test with some board games and these were my answers.



1. Operation (killers)
OK. This ones pretty simple. Take the tweezers and pull out the the patients innards. But don't touch the sides or buzz! You done messed up. I'm pretty sure this paved the way for serial killers in my age bracket. Think of it as Fisher price my first corpse.

2. Perfection (heart attack)
My parents didn't need a heart specialist. We had this game. Push the thingy down. Get all the shapes in place before the timer runs out or POP! You're one step closed to your impending stroke. Oh and a few months later you'll end up stepping on a piece in the middle of the night.

3. Mousetrap (horror films)
You meticulously build the traps. Roll the dice and watch as the your opponent gets caught and confined in some strange wile e coyote contraption. You cant ever finish a game because there is always a piece missing,  Umm wait... this reminds me of a movie.. Oh yeah.. Saw

4. Mr mouth (porn)
Wow flip that fake coin into the thingies mouth. Who knew that as an adult i would utilize such an experience. Just look at it. We all know what it means.

Money shot!

5. Chutes and ladders. (drugs and booze)
You're in candy land and you take a spin until you achieve your ultimate high, rehab or a second chance at life. But one fuck up and down the chute you go. Now go sell yourself for some crack.

Again with the cliches? Yeah! Another top 5

It's been a while but i present to you another installment of Movie cliches! Brought to you by every movie studio imaginable.



1. Computer hacker

 Do you need a computer guy to break into the pentagon or jlos cell phone? Hell yeah! Just about every movie that involves a computer couldn't be complete without a hacker to get a comp started in 5 seconds flat and types random keys until, voila! Problem solved!

2. Intricate problem solving to defeat villain.

 Problem defeating Godzilla, your possessed girlfriend or the monsters from pacific rim? Just add a scientist, someone smarter than an 8th grader or random ass good luck and you have yourself a grand finale.

3. Love making

 I just shot down a flying saucer and punched the vice president in the mouth, now lets go have sex. Because you know... it has to carry the plot along.. I have an idea, there's a porno movie see.. and right in the middle of mammal tomfoolery the guy leaves and stabs a shark while scuba diving.. genius!

4. Everyone knows karate

 Name one action movie where someone doesn't get chop sockied, spin kicked or hadookened. And if your an Asian, forget it, you're handing down 5 generations of whoop ass.

5. The skeptic

 No matter what goes on this character will never believe anything. A maniac on the loose? Just your imagination, the dog writing your name on the wall with bloody piss? Ha ha, fool me once. The world could freeze over and the response would be that the air condition is too high..

Movie cliches part 2!!

Well, I'm back with more movie cliches! I guarantee 4 out of 5 movies have at least one of these embedded in the script somewhere. I think i actually saw a movie recently that had all said cliches rolled into one. Cripes..





Always hitting your target

 In the movie world, No matter what type of gun you're using or if you have human hands or lobster claws will never miss a shot. 2 feet or 100 feet? No problem, Mid air or underwater? I got this. In reality you will probably hit an innocent bystander or your car windshield.





Being the underdog

No matter what situation, gender or race. In movies the underdog will always win. From life learning lessons about responsibility, inheriting some great fortune or learning a skill set in kung fu ass kicking. The downtrodden will survive. Buuut in real life the only person on top of the food chain is your boss telling you to unclog that toilet. Awesome.





Living happily ever after

The ultimate cliche as seen in just about every movie and more to come in the near future, Guy meets girl, Guy and girl do a bunch of things, Guy and girl do the thing, And guy and girl ride off into the sunset. In the real world it's totally different, because there's umm, infidelity, old age, mounting bills, weight gain and all of that good stuff that can end your relationship. The future is bright..




Stupid people!

 Bought a house where a mass murder occured? Check. Swam in shark infested waters? Check. Picked up that hitchhiker? Check. Rode around during a tornado? Check. The list goes on and on, The movie world is filled with inept individuals who want nothing more than to fill their infantile curiosity. As long as there's a movie script somewhere it'll be filled with dumb asses.





Boss fight!

The super ultimate cliche if i ever seen one, Almost every other movie produced will end up with a final battle. I don't mean to spoil it for you but you see that (insert name here) good guy over there? He will fight some (insert name here) super villain and win. How else are you gonna close a two hour movie?





Character dying while revealing plotline

From Star wars to damn if i know, There's always someone dying and spilling guts as to who the killer is, Where the money is stashed or where someone hid that ham sandwich. There's something about dying folk that can help a movie plot run smoothly. Works every time..

The end is fucking nigh!

The worlds end vs This is the end... whaaa?
Two movies, two similar titles, two movies with similar titles with moral implications, two movies with...aah you get the picture...

The world's end

Premise.
 Six friends reunite to continue what they had started 20 years ago, finishing up 12 pubs in one night. What starts out as a normal day out with the boys ends up becoming something between Invasion of the body snatchers/Stepford wives and some story from Twilight zone. whatever..



Moral of the story.
 Underneath the exterior lies a message about how some of us hold on to useless memories and let life pass us by. Also the extremely tough choices we make as to either be free of any sort of control and reliance or become as society sees fit, marriage, a promising career ect ect. Are we capable of total independence and freedom? Can the human race coexist without authority or government control? Or are we just sheep?  On both sides of the spectrum you always win and lose.

This is the end

Premise.
 A group of celebrity friends party it up and act like the Hollywood stars that they are up until the end of the world starts to actually happen and everyone has their comeuppance.
Think of it as the final act from the anime Legend of the overfiend. Including the giant cock.


Moral of the story.
 Being a dick doesn't pay. The underlying message of do good to others and every positive good Samaritan quote applies here. Is it easy to do? yes, Is it hard to do? yes. Being righteous and good sends you to heaven and anything else gets you eaten by some demon or something. So if you're agnostic, this movie won't make sense to you so forget it..




 So there you have it, My unbiased opinion about both of these films and their messages about humanity and salvation and all of that good stuff. And if you somehow missed all of the indications, it's OK, Next time I'll send my friend here to help you out a bit..

Top 5 Relationship movies closer to real life. not that i'm bitter or anything...

High fidelity

 Sometimes life begs to question, Is it random chance or just me? who knows, relationships are tricky and this movie shows just how a break up can lead to searching for answers in just about everyone else. The lighthearted ending is kind of expected but the prior is something familiar we all have inside of us at some point. 

  

500 days of summer

 Man and a woman meet and develop a relationship, It starts out break up first and gradually builds up to the relationship as perfect. Problem is that there is the expectation and actual reality perception, it's pretty sad to see because you can actually say to yourself, Damn, maybe what i thought was a good relationship really wasn't.. The mind plays tricks my friends..




Blue valentine

 Sometimes a relationship can start out so perfect it can be described as a picture perfect moment, This movie starts out this way and it slowly grinds the relationship to a halt, What went wrong? No definite answers here, That's the way life is, Things just don't work the way you think it's suppose to.. Imagine having the love you always dreamed of only to have your heart handed back, Probably in half. in a jar, with ants.




Chasing Amy

 Ah damn, that one thing.. that one innocent confession your partner told you. That one confession you can't let go of, Is it worth really ruining your perfect relationship over? It sure is! because hey! It's the battle of the sexes and someone has to be the alpha male.. And for your troubles you've won... Nothing.




Strange days

 The perils of holding on to the past. You drink,eat, piss and do everything in your power not to forget, It takes over your life in a way that it turns you into a mere shell of a person and naive as hell, When it's all said and done your perception has landed her a godlike status but down on real earth shes just a skank who's been used and abused and doesn't give a shit about you.. sorry man, That's the breaks.



The "Before" trilogy, sunrise,sunset and midnight

 On a serious note, This last entry depict a couple from two different parallels meeting by random chance,  We see the couple enjoy the day ahead of them sharing stories and ideas while time grows near for them to depart, What you expect doesn't happen and it will leave you wondering. What's next?. Sometimes you can't force life, Things fall where they may if you let them.