From Awesome to @$$

It's a 50/50 split when it comes to sequels. Some are actually as good as the first while some have reached the point of ridiculousness. It's a shame that i had to sit thru countless sequels because i love movies so much, So here are some horrible ones i've tried to sit thru before breaking down.(except for Halloween 3).



Highlander 2I was waiting for this one and damn this movie blew chunks. I didn't understand it when it came out, I don't understand it now, Ok, Cortez is back somehow when he was killed in the first movie and now are aliens from another planet, There's no ozone layer and some evil corporation plot thrown in for good measure, Gone is the sense of logic, it looks like random excuses were thrown in to fill the plot holes. If you sit thru this whole movie you will pull your eyes out. There should have been only one.



Halloween 3, Season of the witchI'm not gonna lie The theme song was creepy! But anyway, what the hell happened with this movie. No meyers in sight, Just some wacky plot about mass producing masks with lasers installed in them that would zap your head to mush and make bugs and snakes come out of you. And it's all set to go off during a halloween commercial! Get it? Halloween..Get it? Boink!




Star wars ep.1Jar jar binks.....Can i punch you in the face?




Jaws 4 the revengeHow can a shark actually follow a family across the globe, I don't care how much you explain it, That's not possible. Sometimes i can't even find my keys in my own apartment. Oh yeah and he roared at the end which is impossible, Fuck sharkie!




Friday the 13th, Jason takes manhattanSo Jason stows away on a boat and ends up in huge ass Manhattan, He ends up finding his intended targets and killing them once again, In huge ass manhattan. But wait, Manhattan looks so clean and there's no rats or even people walking around, it's totally desolate. Has anyone in the film crew ever been to New york city?




Lost boys 2 The tribeWhaaaat? ok, There's a bunch of young vampires walking around and acting like complete idiots with one holding a camera. You will not remember any of the characters in this movie, There's is no build up of suspense or any mystery or suprise conclusion, Just a pure confusing mess, And the surviving frog brother was put in there to link the two movies together, I will not even go into depth with the plot, Trust me, You will not care! Why would they even mention a superior movie (The goonies) that was released almost 20 years ago in this god aweful tripe of crap. If this movie is a metaphor for today's youth it means they all have A.d.d. Fuck you.


AND NOW FOR THE WORST...


Creepshow 3Cripes is this movie bad! Please don't rent, borrow, buy or steal this movie. For anyone who hasn't seen any Creepshow movie here's the scoop, It basically a movie made up of about 3 or 4 short horror stories to make up a complete package, People in Hollywood have way too much money to actually blow a few mil and come up with this result, The stories make no sense and are intertwined ala Pulp fiction, The sets and actors are reused again and again, The acting is horrible, Please make this nightmare end. Just imagine every scene with terribly bad actors acting badly.


The ending scene with a demonic hot dog vendor overlooking the whole story goes full cgi and god is it aweful...Suck it!

Jaws aka My biggest fear.

My folks big movie buffs, Every chance we got we'd go and watch whatever had come out at the time, It wasn't difficult to pick a movie since releases were very limited at the time (1970's). I've seen the commercial, Was kind of hesitant to go, but i was young and had no say, So we went off to see it. I was so miniscule and the screen so big, I watched as a young woman decided to take a dip, and then the song played. Baaadum Baaadum. I blame this on my parents..


I was terrified, I was so scared i covered my eyes. I opened them every once in a while when i heard normal music and people talking. when it was all over i wasn't a happy camper, It induced nightmares, I grew out of it but i never grew out of my fear of sharks. The only way i could ever overcome is if i actually killed a shark with my own hands and then woke up from fainting afterwards. I hate you shark.




If this ever happened to me i'll just swim into the shark's mouth and get it over with....

Random comic titles that soothed my soul.

Who didn't love comic books growing up? I lived and breathed comics for a long time and i always had my favorites, Comic books were one of my forms of escapism from everyday life. I knew names, Origins, The whole 9, So here's my random favorite comic book heroes, Villians and titles.


5.The nam'No, i'm not a veteran, But i was a sucker for war movies and books, This one gave us kiddies a chance to read about the war in our language, A non bloody, no cussin', cartoonish depiction of a real disasterous war which was The Vietnam war. All for 75 cents.


4.LoboA staple of 80/90's comic book violence, The main man killed first and asked questions later, He always chomped cigars, Drank alcohol, Banged women and cursed more than a sailor. My ultimate role model, You couldn't ask for anything more in a book. The ultimate guide to being a badass.


3.Justice leagueBack when comics were simple, Dc comics decided to relaunch the justice league and boy did it work, Cutting away from the early 80's robotic form this new team had a fairly loose crew that fought, dated and fought more among themselves than the villians. Could be perceived as "The real world" of comics. This was a genius move by all parties involved. I had it's entire run and stopped collecting after it was changed again and again, bleh!


2.NamorI wasn't a big namor fan until Marvel comics decided to give him a more dark and sinister look which was perfect for my taste, And on top of that it featured Iron fist? I was in comic geek heaven. The artist (Jae lee) was awesome and i considered him an influence towards my artwork. After a quick run thru the series the book went back to the crapper. Hence me moving on to other titles.


1.Grendel.How can i ever forget Grendel. It had a cult following and never gained anything more than an independent status, And a one shot deal with Batman. Grendel characters change all the time, But the one i remember most was the 12 issue series by the Pander bros featuring really colorful bloody artwork.


SPECIAL MENTION


Rorshach(watchmen)An awesome character, Cold, Calculated and maniacal, He never bathed and kicked ass. I'm not riding The watchmen wagon here (The movie is coming out this year), This book has been out since the 80's.

The death of strangers

In it's heyday, Grunge music was on the top of it's form, Countless musicians had come struggling across as the next big act while some basked in the spotlight with ease. Soundgarden, Nirvana, Pearl jam, Alice in chains and Red hot chili peppers ruled the airwaves, It didn't seem like it was ever going to end, Hit after hit, band after band, The songs kept coming, And at it's grunge peak, At the very top it all came crumbling down. The death of Kurt cobain, Yes i was affected, Even people who didn't like the genre were talking about it, How can it happen, Why, who, when, what, It doesn't matter. it's done, it's over, The person who spoke for a generation is gone, The 90's version of john lennon, I never understood anything he said, Maybe he wasn't speaking to me, But in a way i understood something. I layed on the grass in a park and wondered why the world was unfair. I don't have that luxury anymore, not like i used to. That event changed my perception entirely, And maybe it changed everyone's perception, Never to hold on to a person, Especially a stranger. I would never hold an emotion like that ever again.




Some odd years later a similar fate occured, This time around it was Layne staley, Alice in chains frontman, The same person who was at the top of his game in the 90's grunge era, Another voice of a generation, A person who never wanted to pass his vices to anyone. In a way he warned people throughout his music. A person who had a worst fate than death, a recluse drug addict who layed dead for a week before anyone bothered to look. This time around, No one cared. No media coverage, No mural, No radio special or tribute describing his life. Nothing. Was this a sign that the world has indeed changed, And in some weird subconscious felt the same way as myself. Is life that short that everyone worries about themselves and never take the time out to give a nod. Or are we just moving along for the next big thing and not looking back to see what we left behind. R.I.P 1967 - 2002

Totally random movie review

The crow, City of angels (click on image to read)

The audio/video awesomeness of the 80's

Ok, I was a big tech freak, I used to take things apart and tinker around, I've actually been shocked before trying to fix a tv when i was 10 or so. Throughout the years i've had a variety of things, from videogame consoles, tv sets to walkmans. These are the items i could not live without. I didn't have everything, but what i had i enjoyed.



5.Portable record playerI had a ton of 45" records that i used to play on this, it had one speaker for sound and it was non stereo, I remember playing The beatles and some Sesame street on it.(so weird)


4.Toploader vcrwhen my parents bought this it was unforgettable, I couldn't fathom the thought of playing movies in your home on a tape (i was naive). We had rented a few movies and all our friends and family came over to watch it, The three movies were, The warriors, The Exorcist and ummm...oh damn , I dont remember. The remote control had a cable that was only about 3 or 4 ft so it didn't make sense to use it.



3.Cb radio I got one for christmas and i loved it, A few of my friends had walkie talkies and we used to talk to each other late at night when everyone went home. Sometimes we'd pick up phone conversations and were able to answer back and the hilarity insued. Good times man, what's your handle good buddy?


2.boombox with tvDid we have to beg for this? Hell yeah, What could be more awesome than having a dual tape player boombox with a tv built in? Nothing! This thing lasted forever until i blew half of the radio trying to fix it (let me see if my theory is correct) My brother knows what i'm talking about, lol. Anyway, The finest memory i have is when my brother actually had gotten robbed for the boombox and we had sent the biggest guy we knew to get it back and he did!


1!!8 Track playerOk, I grew up listening to music, alot of it, The 8 track was one of my parent's favorite, A vast majority of 8 track tapes we had were actually in spanish. I didn't have a problem with that since i understood it, Knowing multiple languages rule. I remember at the very end of the 8 track's cycle i used to record songs off the radio and just like that it disappeared into obscurity.

Weird @$$ shows they only showed at 6 a.m or Why are you up so early?

Monday through friday was school time but on the weekends i used to get up early in the morning just waiting for the cartoon rush to come on, but before the good stuff you'd had to sit through the weird shows, The ones that didn't make sense at 6 a.m because you was always half asleep, My drive to watch awesome cartoons made me survive the horror which was 6 to 8 a.m . Only 2 hours to go and it's on baby! wait....zzzz..ummm yeah. 2 hours!! Christ this sucks....zzzzz...



1.Great space coasterIt was basically a muppet show, i only remember gary gnu because he always read the so called news and the theme song was infectious. I have no life.




2.Hot fudgeNo one remembers this, It was yet another muppet show but a bit weirder, I liked this show but i don't remember any of the characters. i just remember the title and theme song. Ain't i useful?




3.New zoo reviewHoly sh*t, This reminds me of the sun coming up. I remember some of these characters, Henrietta hippo and Freddy the frog, Oh jeez, This is troubling. The madness has kicked in.




4.David and goliathWhat a way to pimp religion on a sunday by having clay figures show you right from wrong at 6 a.m, I always thought talking dogs were the work of the devil, and the show started at 6? hmmm.. where were the other 2 six's. Someone was trying to tell me something..




5.GumbyIt's no secret why they gave this a 6 a.m slot, Because no one gave a damn about Gumby! This show always transformed me into a snoreasaurus rex. zzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!