Friday, March 19, 2010

From eating brains to eating ass

Ok, here's George romero, the undisputed king of the whole zombie genre, He basically reshaped the way zombie movies were made. And everyone else just followed. But you can only stay at the top for oh so long.

This movie started it all, made on a shoestring budget and in black and white it's considered a staple in zombie movie history, With no real explanation the dead rise and start to eat the living, a few survivors hide out in an old house trying to fend off the zombies, great suspense with a bummer ending, but yeah it's good no foolin.

Ah yes, It starts out with some crazy swat team action on an urban building, a few survivors take off on their own by helicopter to find refuge and end up hiding out at a mall. What seemed like a novel idea turns out to be a clusterfuck. All thanks to a bunch of other renegade humans who umm. Act worse than the zombies. I truly believe this one put zombie movies on the map, In full color and enough gore to make everyone happy, A true gem.

Supposedly the last of the zombie trilogy, This time there's a more scientific approach, a few Soldiers and scientists hide out in an underground bunker trying to figure out if they can teach or control zombies thru experiments, meanwhile the world outside is completely overrun by zombies, and it all goes to hell because the said soldiers start acting worst than the zombies.. yeah, i said it. I see a pattern here. I still love you Bub.

ok, now that George romero pretty much settled into the year 2000 we end up with this movie, the world is completely run by zombies and yeah there's a social message buried in here about how the rich get better stuff than the poor, blah blah. and no matter how much intelligence you can drill into humans on zombie survival 101 someone will always figure how to wander off and take a piss without their firearm or listen to their walkman unprotected. Oh yeah, then there's John leguizamo... bleh!

Now, I'm not going to complain much on this one, yeah, it's filmed primarily on steadcam as a so called documentary but using the internet as a basis of communication and all that live feed stuff is not very realistic, If i knew there were zombies everywhere and there's a high chance of getting eaten the last thing i'm gonna do is get on youtube and look up crap to watch. Oh yeah, will cablevision still be in business during a zombie apocalypse? Fuck maybe i should never cancel my account.

OOOOkay, So there's still people out there, And there's still the "net". But yeah, The best way to describe this movie....hold on. Some guy gets booted from an island (ireland i guess) because he was killing off zombies, huh? so he returns with a few soldiers and yeah, people get shot and get eaten and so forth, there's so much dialogue it's extremely sickening, This movie truly feels like a zombie soap opera of something that would appear on the sci fi channel. seriously. Every single character was extremely forgettable,I wanted the zombies to just eat everyone and then have the credits roll and who would use cgi in a zombie movie man, holy hell...
How do humans end up being outsmarted by zombies who pace is beyond me. oh yeah and then there was a zombie riding a horse, i'm not fucking kidding.. C'mon george, you had a good run dude, Give up that throne already.

This is like having your old ass relative come to your party and trying to rap.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Robot Jleeerrghgh!

Robot joxMan, I remember reading about this movie in a Fangoria magazine back in the day, I was so excited when it detailed how this was going to be the next big thing, giant ass robots fighting and transforming, What can you possibly ask for in 1990? Let's just say that when this movie was finally released it raised a new low in high tech movie making, The robots moved in super slo motion even though they did look cool, The acting was so bad i cannot believe that it never reached mystery science theatre status. What could've been a step or even a leap into the future of filmaking turned out to be a train wreck, I cannot further express in detail what's wrong with this movie, just look at the link i have provided by our friends at Youtube, Welcome to the future.....of crap!