Sunday, March 8, 2015

The toys i loved as a kid. And the terrible adult perception that followed.

I had a ton of toys in my childhood, I didn't need life lessons, i had these to guide me though and teach me the basics of my lifelong journey. I gave myself a psyche test with some board games and these were my answers.

1. Operation (killers)
OK. This ones pretty simple. Take the tweezers and pull out the the patients innards. But don't touch the sides or buzz! You done messed up. I'm pretty sure this paved the way for serial killers in my age bracket. Think of it as Fisher price my first corpse.

2. Perfection (heart attack)
My parents didn't need a heart specialist. We had this game. Push the thingy down. Get all the shapes in place before the timer runs out or POP! You're one step closed to your impending stroke. Oh and a few months later you'll end up stepping on a piece in the middle of the night.

3. Mousetrap (horror films)
You meticulously build the traps. Roll the dice and watch as the your opponent gets caught and confined in some strange wile e coyote contraption. You cant ever finish a game because there is always a piece missing,  Umm wait... this reminds me of a movie.. Oh yeah.. Saw

4. Mr mouth (porn)
Wow flip that fake coin into the thingies mouth. Who knew that as an adult i would utilize such an experience. Just look at it. We all know what it means.
Money shot!

5. Chutes and ladders. (drugs and booze)
You're in candy land and you take a spin until you achieve your ultimate high, rehab or a second chance at life. But one fuck up and down the chute you go. Now go sell yourself for some crack.