Monday, September 29, 2008

Back when reading adult mags was a bad thing.

Waaaay back in the days of no internet, ipod, cell phone or much of anything i resorted to tons of reading (aside from the movie watching, radio listening or videogame playing). I can't possibly list the amount of material i've read growing up but looking back i now realize i might have read things that were out of my league, My father had a newstand in Brooklyn so i had easy access to certain magazines that i knew were not for kids. So here are the awesome mags i never forgot.

VampirellaThis is a no brainer, what kid would not want to see a partially nude vampire woman run around killing people, ummm yeah it had some short stories or something like that, I used to just stare at the cartoon hooters, Ma! ma! *suckle* *suckle*

Heavy metalOh do i remember this, It had full nudity and at a tender age of 9 or so it was forbidden. Anyone who has ever read this magazine knows not to let their kids read it so imagine my past predicament. I used to hide these so well i couldn't even find them. The price of being young.

Hustler humorI used to read these in my youth and had a blast, Damn those were funny. Why do i still remember Fats and Chester the molester? My insanity continues...

CreepyYet another horror magazine, But i always liked this one and actually had the issue in the pic! I remember this one being more sci-fi with a mix of horror. One particular story i remember featured some kid in the future who puts some gel in his hair and was being chased around the whole time by tons of women..weird... or was that the Eerie magazine...cripes..

EerieThis magazine had semi nudity and were composed of short horror stories. I had to have my monthly fix of this mag or i'd go nuts. Looking back i don't know how i never became a psychopath or serial killer, I just ended up eating alot of cereal.

Just one more

CondoritoPlease don't ask...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Samurai vs ninja vs fishtank

I had this pocketgame as a kid which i loved, It was called samurai vs ninja, it was cheesy but the idea of ninjas and samurai blew my mind. One day my brother and i got into a arguement and i threw a bunch of his game cartridges in a fishtank, Then in turn he threw my pocketgame in there which ruined the game. The game never worked again, but my memory remained. You owe me man...

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Top umm...something.. what the f*ck was i listening to?

What can be worst than listening to some music nowadays and not being able to relate? How about music you grew up on and thinking it was the best thing ever? Welcome to my semi ridiculous music collection from my youth.

All my friends thought i had issues when i played it, This must have been the record that lead way to the whole electronica/techno/house thing, But at 8 years old i thought it was alien messages from space, All for a mere 5 bucks and anal probe free. What more can a kid ask for?..

The BeatlesIt was probably not my time to listen to this album, But they had this song called "Daytripper" on it and i was in love with it. Call me stupid but on the song's hook i thought they said "day of the triffids" which was a cheesy b movie that i was obsessed with. Hey man i was little. Fuggedaboutit!

Olivia newton johnI don't know how to explain this one. But i had this album, and it was on constant rotation. My sister used to try and work out while playing this record and we'd laugh and make fart noises, I'm just glad i didn't fall for the Olivia workout fad and wore leggings, That would've been awful...

Weird AlParody songs were pretty funny to me growing up so i had an earful when it came to Weird al. I suppose it was my fucked up sense of humor that i had this one in my collection, Would i ever listen to it now? ummmm. no.

Culture clubCaught up in the 80's craze i bought this album and i thought the songs were pretty good. It was just the whole man/woman thing that children at the time didn't understand. This was probably my worst "what was i thinking" moments. No homo..

La rondallitaI can never forget this album, It had the world famous latin song "Burrito de belen" and every holiday for years we'd play this song until one day the band came to our house and got the damn album back... They wanted payola.
Press play to hear the ultimate cheeseball fest.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Young perception vs adult reality.

Call me stupid, When you'r a kid you'd believe anything. Aside from the usual fare of movies that i've watched, Horror, Action, Sci fi, There were some that i actually believed would happen when i was in my youth. I've always held on to those thoughts and came out disappointed (or glad) that they never happened. So here are some of those movies.

Bad boysThis movie made me decide to NEVER end up in prison, I mean what is so good about prison besides the brutal rapes, Being beat up and shivved, I call this the scared straight movie of my youth.

The reality is that this movie might be as real it's portrayed, I don't know i've never been to jail. So i'm off the hook.

Class of 1984I saw this in the movies and i didn't want attend high school EVER!. This movie showed violence and drug use with students doing basically whatever they wanted in a run down high school leaving the teachers to fend for themselves.

But in reality my high school was calm and quiet and it was easy to cut class let alone cut school. I was let off the hook again. I didn't get stabbed in the bathroom while dropping a deuce.

10 to midnight
Starring super mustachioed Charles bronson as a cop chasing around a serial killer who preys on women, At one point the killer ran around butt naked with a knife.

In reality i have yet to see a butt naked killer running around or heavily mustachioed cops but i'm not holding my breath.Thought i was kidding?

Dawn of the deadAs a kid i though...It's possible, You know, zombies coming back to life and eat the living because of some medical screw up, I actually looked out into the night in hopes of seeing one slowly walk out of the shadows but it never happened, My nightmare never came thru.

In reality it never happened or will it ever, The only zombies around here are now called junkies. But i'm still waiting....

C.H.U.DThis movie was about a bunch of monsters living in the sewers on New York City. It's hard not to believe this one when i was young, 1. I lived in new york city, 2. I used to see people in them damn subway tunnels all the time, 3. I was really young. So my nightmares worked out perfectly.

The grim reality is that only homeless people live down there and umm. there are no such things as monsters. But i already knew that...

The road warriorAfter this movie was released we were flooded with other movies using the same apocalyptic world gone to hell idea, But in this movie the world has gone to the crapper and everyone survives in small pockets all while battling the forces of an evil motor gang, Everyone is fighting for the same thing, Oil.

In reality it's not too far fetched, While we are not in a post apocalyptic world it seems like maybe we are fighting for control of hmmm. waitaminit.To be continued........

Monday, September 8, 2008

Goodbye C.I.

In a world where you can't get adjusted to anything, Things beyond anyone's control happen and mess it up for everyone. Sometimes it's noticeable, sometimes not. This week the focus is on the famed Coney Island amusement park, Definitely a landmark for anyone who has ever step foot there and especially for us New Yorkers. It's a sad thing for this to have happened. It just shows to prove nothing lasts forever. I loved this place, The atmosphere, The energy, The music, The crummy food. I've come down to this place ever since i was a child, and i'd get the same initial reaction everytime i'd arrive..

Old school dirty train station before it was recontructed. I bought candy from that very stand the same week it was closing for good and the owner gave me a bunch of free stuff. It's a shame.

How can anyone ever forget Nathan's.

I lived and breathed Fabers arcade in my youth.(especially during school hours)

My favorite ride, Good loud music and motion sickness abound.

You will never win..5 dollars fool!

Either you'd puke or get bruised. Either way you'll be grateful you've lived.

It's a shame to see this place go, All of my fondest memories lie here, I've been here with friends, My entire family, Everyone. I will never forget Coney Island. A fond farewell.

The price of having only 10 T.V channels

Waaaay before 500 channel cable boxes we had only 10 channels V.H.F 2,4,5,7,9,11 and 13. Also on U.H.F 31,41,47. Nothing but pure entertainment for all to see! (groan). As you can imagine it was hard to divide shows towards targeted audiences so it was simple, Kids shows in the morning and after school and adult shows at night, But sometimes they'd give any show at any given time and since you didn't have enough channels to click thru you had to watch, and watch and watch. Some shows i couldn't stand for the life on me. Here's the horror that was VHF/UHF T.V.

Mama's familyI never understood this show and i don't care, Just a bunch of southern accented country folk snappin dialogue one after the next, I don't remember any of the characters, All i remember are the dreams i had because i always fell asleep. Kiss my grits!I'm sorry, you're as funny as a car crash..

Small wonder
Ummm, this scientist guy creates a robotic little girl and introduces her to the family, all sorts of robotic antics and "you see i told you so" scenarios arise. Every episode ended with some sort of moral message but it's hard to believe it when you have a robot girl talking........!
Please unplug.

Silver spoonsThis rich kid that has everything has issues with everything and tries to resolve everything because he has the answers to everything. Yup..a hard show to watch when you live in Brooklyn and you eat spam sandwiches for dinner...Go me!The room i never had, Thanks for killing my esteem..

The love boat
Why would any kid watch a show with grown ass adults frolicking on a cruise ship on an ultimate quest to find love....or ass. All while wearing bellbottoms and open collars with gold chains. Ridiculous pick up lines by horny men knew no bounds. All i wanted to do was to give das boot the boot! Poor isaac..

Mister rogersYup, when there was absolutely nothing else on T.V you had to watch this..And boy was this show boooring. This show always influenced me to find other means of recreation in about 15 minutes. Next!

ManimalOoooohkay! So this guy has the ability to transform into any animal and fight crime. And why would you do that....Since animals can't hold weapons and kick ass.

M.A.N.T.I.SA very good idea on paper with a ho'hum cliche' story , Some guy gets paralyzed by a criminal and invents an exosuit and tons of other gadgets to fight wherever evil is afoot. But how many times can you do the same thing in every episode, Blah blah, this criminal blah blah that, I can't walk ever again! Blah blah. In the last episode he fights an invisible giant dinosaur...umm yeah. That's like having someone give you a nice vanilla waffle cone ice cream cone and then have the person spray fart a topping on it. I have two words.....One season.I have a M.A.N.T.I.S in my pantis.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Everyday at 3:30

If you grew up in Brooklyn, 3:30 was important. It didn't matter what i did i was always alert, Is it time yet? Damn, not yet. Arrgh! i can't wait, I wonder what'll be on today? Yes! it's almost time! niice! Yo hurry up it's almost on!
Way before video shows featured glitz and glamour and targeted a selected audience and all the B.S there was Video music box. Every breaking artist at the time had his or her 5 minutes here, They played rap videos 5 days a week and also how can i forget alternative thursdays and old school fridays. Ralph mcdaniels kept it real and it all happened on Channel 31, a UHF station back when you can still change the T.V channels with a pair of pliers. Gangsta!