Monday, December 31, 2012

Super who? Super shamou!

Back in the 90s I saw this on a television program called Maximum exposure, It showed an inuk superhero aptly named Super Shamou saving some kids, It's surreal. I never forgot about it and due to the internet i was able to snag the clip. It's god awful but so good. 

Yeah. I suppose every country has either a superman or a drunk uncle.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

9 pm. time go go to sleep...rinse...repeat...

When i was young my parents would watch Spanish television every day and night religiously, Back then all spanish children didn't need any sort warning from parents to tell us to go to bed. we had this...

mac perro
I can say its been about 25 or so years since i have last seen this short. Now my life is complete.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Toys strictly distributed in hell or High five to awesome toys from childhood!

Back in the day we didn't have all of these doohickeys and contraptions to bide our time.  We had to resort to creating fun out of whatever was handed to us and believe me, It wasn't fun..

Parachute men
 Why man, Whyyyyy. How i loved to open up your parachute in hopes that you would slowly descent onto the earth, But you always crashed. As you lay crumpled i burned you with a match because you sucked....

 Choking hazard you say? Hornswaggle! You bounce the ball pick up the metal thingies called jacks and repeat. Bounce the ball pick up the jacks and repeat, bounce the ball..... yeah.. My childhood was the stuff of dreams..

Cap guns
 The good ol' days of cowboys and Indians are pretty much over and may be borderline racist. It's ill advised to even try to brandish these types of toys outdoors. Because you know, Kids are not suppose to play with fake six shooters.

Wax lips
 Why was this even fun, I don't know. I mean how many times can you imitate Mick Jagger before the joke gets old. Tell me you never did that, Whatever..

Yay, Hit your friends in the back and it snaps! Ha ha! Also in the face! awesome! Don't run, Here's another one! Pop! nice! What a beautiful way to play with your friends,  But that was normal... right?

The metal ball thingy
You know you spent hours trying. And deep inside you know you want to play it again.. All you have to do... is.... get....both... in ....eyes.... aarrrghghggh!!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

What rhymes with apes.. well umm quite a few things.

Yes!! Back in the day when you could actually go outside and flash a toy gun we had this toy. And why would we even wear these you ask?

Because Planet of the apes totally ruled! And I'm not talking about that awful Tim Burton remake (more on that later) but the real deal Charlton Heston damn dirty ape original. The apes were everywhere

In comics
Holy hell, comics were 25 cents.

Yep, We used to call them cartoons..

And even cards.
Yes, I put those in my bike spoke. but didn't everyone?

And after 4 sequels, a short lived t.v and cartoon series everything pretty much settled down. But the original movies kept the flame alive as it was shown around the world for decades. And how can you destroy such a beautiful visage?

You make this..
Yeah.. To sum up the equivalence it's like you're doing 80 in your jag and went 100 for no reason and crashed it. This movie was heavily franchised in toys, comics and video games but no one cared because the only people familiar with Planet of the apes were too old to buy toys, comics and video games. (I'm not speaking for everyone). Not to give away any spoilers but who cares at this point, The visuals are indeed stellar because you couldn't possibly do this 30 or so years ago. The story is a bit flat that ends up making you not care for the protagonists in any way, Just a bunch of apes treating humans like shit, Because in real life humans treat apes like shit. Wait. that didn't make sense... Well if that didn't make sense neither will the ending.. trust me. it's stupid.

And as a new age approached.
  Actors? actors? We don't need stinkin' actors. we will use cgi apes. It took a decade for someone to clean up the mess. And by now technology is way advanced. This movie had just the right balance, By keeping things to a minimal as far as storytelling and character development you somehow end up rooting for the apes even when you clearly know how it's going to turn out. What is wrong with us..

Have you ever watched Cujo, on weed?

Quick, Tell me what you remember about the movie Cujo. Here's what i remember, There was a dog and umm the woman with the child stuck in the car in the heat and ummm the dog was bitten by a bat and it was all gross looking with drool and blood. Not in that exact same order but i pretty much just summed it up to accuracy according to memory. But what if i told you that it's way more deeper than that.

A nice family eating breakfast also joined by family friend, hmmm ain't it too early for aaah its OK, this is about Cujo. The undertones continue.. but this is Cujo right?

Everyone knows what's going on except hardworkin' dad. Because you know, he's busy with work n stuff.

Yes, The red flags are everywhere.. Cujo anyone?...Cujo?

Even as the clues pile up, He's still sleeping at the wheel, But hey, work is waaaay more important!

Enter, Cujo. Not only does he fight crime but he also fights anything remotely close, like umm. spousal verbal abuse and adultery.

So he springs into action to give a new meaning to the word comeuppance.

But in the end in some weird twisted way evil wins and Cujo is dead, because you know, we're human so we get away with stuff..

So there's your movie folks! The extreme adult version. But remember, if you do wrong your most likely to get maimed by some animal.

when movie nights were continental (special guest tony)

ahh those were the days. in the late 80's it was the video store craze, there were video stores everywhere and the thing is, each one had different movies in them, but overall cheesy old horror or foreign english dubbed films. forget getting the good films on the weekends, youll end up experiencing something like this...

just rent them on wednesday and return them sunday..
heres some of the early video store movies which in the end turned up to be badass movies and my all time faves.

The first collection of horror scenes from movies, mainly independent films to come out. it was great to watch and ive had this on cassette for the longest. then the less inferior "terrors in the isles" came out which was wack with less of everything. every video store had this.

deadly spawn

the best movie ever for its time, mega low budget but effective effects and the monster was scary as all hell.

i think at this point, i would run on top of water...

the ending made me cringe for days, man....
to this day, i love this film, plus the part when they're attacking the old ladies is hilarious and messed up. where the hell was life alert when you needed it?


2 gory films but slayer was darker and somewhat clausaphobic and eerie

cool kill scenes in a totally dark atmosphere made anyones let alone mine skin crawl

turns out the chick from the group is actually the monster in the subconscious, or some shit like that. kind of like inception, but in 1982.

and finally city of the living dead or walking dead or something

this movies been renamed like 10 times. its about a bunch of crazed zombies that run around literally killing anything in their path.
theyre supercool, even carrying axes and machine guns, all of that while wearing suits and running at top speed.

not too convincing is he? even though he just finished chopping some lady in spandex breasts off, this film is very gory and insane, from eye gorging to straight up gangsta phone checks this movies got it all. it still puzzles me though are they killing to drink blood or killing for fun because they seem to enjoy it tons.
ive seen this movie dozens of times and the ending is well, predictable and cheesy and there's never a happy ending in any zombie film, ever.

and finally finally Ator!

they were so many conan ripoffs too many to name, but i remember this one, beastmaster, krull and a few others

it was the same old, kill the warlock, fight giant rubber monsters or dachshund dogs in rat suits meanwhile the music was all electro pop with goth choirs, ahhh the memories.....

its not a movie, its a cartoon! (special guest tony)

many years ago, i mentioned that a pal of mine resembled the lead character from the movie "rock a doodle". much to my amazement, my other friend quickly replied, thats not a movie, its a cartoon! and it stuck with me for years, what is a cartoon movie? heres some that i think are strictly movies or strictly cartoons in no particular order..

secret of nimh - Cartoon
itll appeal to kids but definitely its a cartoon. ive seen this a few times when don bluth was droppin movies left and right before he got kicked out the movie business for making that godawful titan a.e.. nothing to remember, for me at least.

Fire and ice - movie

this movie is badass, ralph bakshi animation mixed with frank frazzetta art it cant get better than this. ive seen this movie tons of times, they shouldve called this one "jaguar god" and produced a sequel.
this is my favorite movie from the 80's and this falls into the "movie" category.

warriors of the wind - movie

i rented this at the video store in the 80s and i loved it ever since, it was my first introduction into japanese anime before akira and ninja scroll.
great story and great animation makes this a perfect movie.
mad love for lord yuppa.

Wizards - i have no friggin idea

another bakshi film, too much rotoscoping, live action backdrops for my taste but an ok movie.

starchaser - cartoon

this one i saw at my uncles house in the 80s it was pretty good, tha animation was great, reminded me of he man, but in outer space

heavy metal - movie
cool movie with different stories and art, cool music too, i had to watch it a few times to like, but definitely not a cartoon.

alright alright, i guess theyre all cartoons then, i owe my friend a fiver, bleh....