Tuesday, December 11, 2012

on second thought, dont save me (special guest tony)

before the height of superhero movies like x-men and spiderman, comic book companies were testing the waters on making hero flicks to put on the big screen. a lot of them ended up as duds that went direct to video and a few never saw the light of day. here are some of the worst that define explanation...

Masters of the universe
if you think this is an eyesore, wait till you see this

this was dolph lundgrens era. he finished rocky, then did masters of the universe

he man and his gang, skeletor and his band of misfits arrive to earth to kick non medieval ass, its scifi at its worst, with lazer shooting, weak swordplay and a smartass skeletor, all of this and he man has less than 10 lines throughout the film.

here he fights by himself, because no one pack swords, but lazer guns and staffs, jesus....

on the left, cool looking futuristic soldiers, and on the right, wtf????

seriously, in the future, past whatever, they cant invent clippers?

last time i heard, they toured unsuccessfully, ahh well theres always nirvana.

a few years later,

doogan! well, here he is again, but as the punisher, prepare to be punished, mentally.

err wait, this isnt the....
wtf?? how many punish....


ahh here we are, anyways, he kills his way across creation, because he feels like killing mobsters and the criminal element blah blah bleh bleeeh zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
the first punisher was the best movie period, the punisher album, well hands down beats them all.

you know i had to...

if you dont know what vomit taste like, rent this now...

costume, check. shield, check. rubber ears, check!

the funny thing is he fails his first mission then returns years later to right the wrong and fight the infamous red skull. i dont know if its meant to be a comedy, but the action is almost nonexistant, and the stunts are well, macguyverish. its a awfully made tv movie, period!

is this even the same dude, he looks like grandpa munster, man...

if you see this, you know its gonna be trouble
its the great roger cormans, fantastic four! isnt it fantastic?

you have to see this to believe it, its that bad, the thing barely made it as at least good, the cgi for the human torch is super nintendo graphics or atari jaguar, flip a coin, its still shit. the camera work its filled with camera trick angles zoom ins and outs like those old school kung fu films and very dull dialog. like i said, its that bad.
since my feet dont work, ill use my fists instead! sock! pow!
its always great to see curtis jackson getting some work...
well, they fight doom here and there and do their superhero thing, but wait till the wedding in the films finale, heres a sneak peek, bleeeerff!

and finally

heres two of the most non italians in a film based on two italians, its like vanilla ice trying to be well, you know
this movie is so confusing, shouldn't it be a hard game and easy movie instead of the other way around, this movies the worst of the worst.... and they dont even school the turtles mario style, or pull out huge clown hammers or nuthin, what a gyp! no power ups, star, mushrooms...coins....unlimited life............

No comments: