Thursday, January 24, 2013

Your kid might be possessed if, a quick guide from the movie The possession.

If you go to a yard sale and buy a wooden box for your kid and don't check the contents.
Jewish satanic inscriptions? Gold!

If your kid stabs you with a fork and you think its an overreaction.
OK! it's definitely time out young lady!

Your  kids room is infested with moths, and you think its normal
Ok hunny, your mothra obsession is going waaaay overboard.

Your kids teacher gets killed in her own school and you send her back like nothing happened.
The system failed me!

If your kid swallows moths and.. wait...that is normal right?
Ah, the life of a teenager.

If your trying to read the Torah while your kid is in bed to exorcise a demon.
The power of Christ compels! ummm.. wait.. Jesus saves!... no...wait.. um.. oy vey!.

If you drive to Brooklyn to find a Jew priest and end up on a fake movie set.
Definitely the left at Albuquerque

Your kid rips out mommy's boyfriends teeth and hes never heard of again.
Tell her i lover her! waaaaa! mommyyyyyy!

Your kid's in hospital for a mri and they strap on a face mask!
Yep, medicaid at work..

If a Jewish priest performs an exorcist and an evil soul crawls out of you and into a box.
Definitely bringing out the gimp.

If said jew is killed in a crash but the box stays intact.
Waiting for next teen.... Anyone? anyone?

Moral to this story, If your marriage is in the shits, Get your kid possessed.
Remember that thing with the demon and stuff? ahaahahahah! hilarious!

Friday, January 18, 2013

The one game i never played on tv... yeah...

 Baaaack in the 80's when all was primitive and only 7 english channels existed we had a game show on channel 11 called TV Pixxx, All you had to do is call in and play live on the air, And by live i mean shouting out "pixx" on the phone and the lasers would fire on screen. Just imagine kids screaming that over and over for 5 minutes.. Did anyone ever win? I don't know. But for some reason it was fun to watch...or was it not fun and i was just 8 crayons short of a full box.... whatever...

Pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx pixx....Yeah. Love it..

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

In case you're not familiar with Judge Dredd movies or If it ain't right the first time, Fickin' do it again!

2000 a.d comics from the U.K makes it's way to the states
(yes i had this very same issue)

 Some of the characters who appear are.

      Judge dredd, Main character and an officer from Mega city one.

Judge Anderson, Psychic officer who helps out Dredd from time to time

Fergee, On and off again sidekick

Mean Machine, Recurring villain who loves the headbutt.

Judge Hershey, Judge Dredds's partner when out on the beat.

And why would anyone care?
because someone made this happen

Wait... his helmet is off. let's try again..


              Mean Machine, Check, True to his character. Spot on.

            Fergee, Check! wait that's Rob Schneider, Looks promising!

Hey! It's Judge Dredd's clone! Not from the comic but they look identical!

Judge Hershey, Check.. No almonds.

All the actors are in place, The uniforms are too awesome for words! This is a dream come true! Finally! A Judge Dredd movie! It's gonna be a winnah!

General consensus say.. It bombed..

How can this be, everything was lined up perfectly, With a huge action star and uniforms made by Versace,  The problem was no one had even heard of Judge Dredd, Only if you lived in the U.K or were a true comic book collector/reader this was a dream come true, This was strictly a U.K character with a movie made in the good ol' U.S of A, So what can go wrong, Everything, Out goes the political satire and meaning of justice from the books because you know. Americans are much different, We only want kooky sidekicks slapped with buffoonery, Endless unnecessary gun play, Shit one liners, Explosions, Predictable double crossings and wooden acting. aaaand he took his helmet off..Yeah... it was that bad...

                                             But on with the story.

Judge dredd is framed for a murder by no other than his brother who is a clone, He reunites with fergee who he had arrested earlier in the film and umm.. yeah, Dredd fights Mean machine, kills a bunch of people, someone unimportant gets betrayed and killed by a robot, Some other shit happens and after a climactic standoff Dredd kills his clone brother, Saves the day and gives his promotion to Judge Hershey. Suck it..

Some 17 odd years later.

Now, I can say that this is a much more closer adaptation to it's source material. And yes, It's not cluttered with characters who no one will care about anyway and no surprising sub plots or double crosses or tits and ass and shit one liners, Blah! it's everything that the original Judge Dredd movie wanted to be but couldn't, To be honest,  It's an unamerican movie. How can this be. It's ultra violent, Ultra bloody, But for some reason it works. Because fuck it, They are judges and that's what they do. Pass judgement. It's like the movie "The raid" injected with Judge Dredd and being directed by an early John Carpenter/Zack Snyder/Paul Verhoeven.

Is there a story here? Sure is.. 

                                                                                              Judge Dredd


                                                          Judge Anderson

go after

                                                                        Ma Ma

And Dredd's final verdict? Death of course... the end..

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The rise and fall of comic shops and comics.

This is the complete short version

From what I remember only two entities dominating the comic industry at the time were

Dc comics 
And a few independent companies coexisted with these giants. 
By the late 80's comics had a massively huge audience due to intense storytelling and a strong continuity process. It was easy to collect a series and 50 issues later still feel like you were following the story. And while Marvel and dc were reaping the benefits not everyone was content. And just how people unionize a workplace comic underlings had something better in mind...

Image comics

Is that a chromium cover! I love you Image!!

Creative control has always been an issue whether musician or artist. And while the big two had a strong grip it was time for artist to break free,  And what better way than to open your own comic company and give the artist and writers what they want. Full creative control. So yeah. Now we have 3 bigwigs in the market, How do you attract a comic audience?

Comic book gimmicks!!

It's gonna be worth a fortune!!! (notice collector's edition written all over it)

What better way to grab an audience but to invent characters that have no substance. Rebooting issues of major characters and having to force you to start reading a new series again only this time the origins have been altered. Using famous artist to boot a series and then switch to a mediocre one 3 issues later.  Releasing god knows how many chromium covers, Holographic covers, Poly bagged issues with card inserts, Bullet holes, Vomit bags, Ribbons and so forth until the market became completely overblown with utterly useless comics. There were no stories anymore. Just gimmicks. It became too much. Suddenly no one was interested in comics anymore, People were just buying up books because they released the same issue in 5 different colors, Who cared what the story was about, Everything had collector's edition stamped on it so it was cool,  New readers didn't know where to start reading and longtime readers were just too lost in the mess to stick around. And everyone felt it. 

 Comic gold!!

Oh wow the cover is ripped! This is gonna be my down payment on a house!!

And dc comics fared no better
 Oh my god! Now my collection is complete!

 Robin poly bagged!! I think i just busted a nut..

The plastic wrapping is worth more than the comic itself.

And independent comic companies?

Omg!! Rob liefeld...  I can't contain myself... hands... shaking... I want it!!

Omfgbleerrghghg!!!  I'll buy five please..

Lady death gold cover special edition, and it's worth.... Fuck all.

1993 was the year of The ferret... yes folks... The ferret. I can't even keep a straight face here.

This industry move spelled the end to just about every comic shop in the United states. One by one they closed down. Shuttered because companies thought that's what we wanted. But is was the opposite. All we wanted were some good solid stories and unfortunately that didn't happen for at least a decade,  While the ride was good for scores of fans and myself included over the years it was time for me to get off.  And now in the new era, movies and video games dominate the big industries with comics being completely last. Comic shops? Good luck finding one and if you do it's full of veteran readers holding the torch, Kids don't even know in what sequence to read comics page by page. Forget attending a comic convention, It's filled with people dressed up as god knows what and video game booths everywhere, Lost are the days of artists signing comics and feeling like they were the biggest thing since the back scratcher and The flowbee,  I haven't really looked back to see if comics are even worth reading anymore, Granted I've collected some good titles over the years and I'm not completely knocking the industry, It's just how things were in the 90's,  And my comic collection? You can buy everything from the two for a dollar bin. Fuck you comic book companies for ripping us off and goodnight..