Friday, December 12, 2008

Still waiting.....

When i was a wee lad i had a ton of comic books, Inside there would always have these advertisement for toys and gadgets, So being the naive one i put $2.00 in an envelope and waited patiently.....Well it's been well over 25 years and i still havent gotten my damn army men....I hate you all......

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Movies that define human logic or why are you so stupid?

Ok, so i watch alot of movies, Tons of them. Every once in a while i run into a movie based on real events or whatever and i think to myself, can humans really be this stupid.. apparently yes, and hollywood churns a profit, Yay!


Open waterWhy would you do this? Why would you dive in open waters and drift off from your party, Its a shame to have happened but damn. There's sharks in there! Man 0 -Nature 2


A perfect stormSo a bunch fisherman give it the old college try in hopes to score the catch of the century and run smack into a storm. Mother nature ain't takin no guff.


Into the wildSome guy gives up his earthly posessions and decides to live off the land and lo and behold, he ends up starving to death. I don't even want to take a walk in a park, why would you want to live in a friggin forest wiping your ass with a rabbit? I don't get it..


Grizzly manOk this is beyond me, Some guy actually camps out and lives in the woods with grizzly bears and other animals all while swearing on earth that nature is his best friend. You may think that either this guy is a total nut job or actually cares for these animals. Fuck it, this guy is nuts. Nice scenery and lots of nature shots will make you feel like living out there too, That's until the last act when he's mauled and eaten by said friends of the forest. Brother bear they ain't.


Amityville horrorNo amount of santeria or chango or whatever will make me stay in that house. Oh yeah and before i leave, MOLOTOV!!

Monday, December 1, 2008

I will karate chop you into oblivion

videoIn the 80's every saturday at exactly 3 pm was time for Drive in movie on channel 5, The majority of the films were martial arts, And damn i couldn't wait. Every other month they'd play 5 deadly venoms and i never got tired of watching it, I could list the hundred or so films shown that i still somehow remember but i'll just put up a few. And of course they are Shaw bros. The company responsible for releasing the very best in old school kung fu films. These kung fu films shined brightly until the early 90's where a new type kung fu cinema hit the circuit. But that's another post.




Chinese super ninjas




The Crippled avengers




Five deadly venoms




The flying guillotine
Times have indeed changed, and now everything is available either on cable, online or your local bootleg dvd seller, But no matter what i will always remember the good old days when you had to wait a full week to get your kung fu on.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

They always come in three

I hate underwater, i hate underwater movies, i hate monsters underwater. I hate them all, it makes me crazy i tell you. When i heard they had made an underwater monster movie i was cringing and running to the theatre at the same time, but three underwater monster movies at almost the same time was something my sanity might not handle, You know, big movie screens, underwater shots.....silence.....then..... Monster!!! I'm a big horror movie fan so i had no choice, but the whole underwater thing...bleeech!! Damn you sharkie..



So, there was this thing about a sunken sub and they send a bunch of guys down there to see how it had happened, but they happen to stumble upon signs of life underwater and we're not talking about the fishy kind. More like a close encounters type of deal but unda da sea! This flick is the best of the bunch, Now go kiss de girrrrl!



Deepstar 6Yep. so a group of scientists in an underwater base go on to disturb an ancient underwater creature and all mayhem breaks loose all thanks to a lobster reptile thingy, Man vs nature with gore everywhere. Will anyone survive?



LeviathanThis time a team of scientists in yet another underwater lab stumble across a sunken ship and get infected by drinking a flask of liquor they had found aboard...yep.....So they end up with a mutant fish monster thing and it ain't happy, all that and the guy from Robocop too.. oh yeah....and Ernie hudson (but of course, the brother gets killed).



Special mention.....



Devil fishThis movie is soooo bad i cannot accurately describe it. Leave it up to the Europeans to fuck it up. We got your devil fish food!

Monday, November 10, 2008

The gen-x guide to gen-x movies

Movies always speak for a generation, I would like to point that my generation would most likely be the gen-x generation, aka slackers, aka everything else. What could have been better than being young and giving the man the finger. I've done it at one point, worked menial jobs and being as free as i could ever want to be. Along the way a few movies came out at the time that made perfect sense to me. i would like to capture this moment to reflect back to my past slackerful, grimy, grungy, dirty, not giving a fuck life a.k.a my past



This movie is probably the best of the bunch. Great soundtrack that captured the era perfectly, This movie had a bunch of 20 somethings rocking out and having relationships. nice comedy/drama with a seattle grunge twist.



Yet another movie that came out about the same time to catch in on the craze, The story had to do with a bunch of college grads who have no idea what to do after college, all that and a grunge/mtv feel thrown in and you have "Reality bites".



So two friends fall for the same girl and then end up having a "Threesome" get it?.... anyway, Afterwards the whole friendship thing goes down the crapper. All for the name of ass...Does it get any worse?.....read on.



I don't remember this movie much, I remembered trying to watch this but it was friggin horrible. Stephen dorff is to the grunge era what captain crunch is to pancakes. This movie is straight up gaaaabaaaaage!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Monday, October 27, 2008

Gojiraaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Yep, I had to do this.
Way back when we didn't have any means of recording movies (70's) we'd had to wait almost a whole entire year for the real deal kickass marathon to begin. And of course we're talking about..Every year they'd give random episodes but here is a list of the ones shown at one point or another.

Godzilla
Gigantis the Fire Monster
King Kong vs. Godzilla
Godzilla vs. The Thing
Ghidrah the Three Headed Monster
Monster Zero
Godzilla vs the Sea Monster
Godzilla vs the Smog Monster
Godzilla vs the Cosmic Monster
The Terror of Mecha-Godzilla
Son of Godzilla
Destroy All Monsters
Godzilla On Monster Island
Godzilla vs Megalon



Thanksgiving was always devoted to Godzilla and King kong flicks(what a strange concept). The Godzilla vs King kong movie was always a favorite (even though the King kong costume was atrocious)



King kong + Godzilla = Beatdownasaurus.



We didn't care about holiday dinner or anything, all we wanted to do was watch good ol godzilla takin' no guff.



Godzilla's universal answer to every question



When Godzilla and Jetjaguar kicked monster @$$ for the first time i couldn't believe my eyes.



Baby zookie in the house (minya)



Save the eaaaaarrth!



I'm not gonna go into godzilla history, Everyone knows that. But let me just go on record to say that Thanksgiving as a child was a cherished moment, A weird rubber costume monster @$$ kicking kind of cherished moment.



I will never forget Godzilla, You are my rubber suit, cheesy monster hero.

Oh yeah....Enjoy your Thanksgiving!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

My 5 minutes of fame

I had a childhood friend who was an artist, By the time he was in his early 20's he had broken into the comic biz and all of our friends were around to witness it firsthand, one day he started to sketch all of our faces and he said he had a suprise for us, little did we all know he would put us getting killed in a comic book he was working on. My brother and i are on this page. He's the one with the glasses and earing, I'm the one who's bottom face is cut out by a damn caption. Probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done.
Click on the page to view

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Monkey sea monkey don't.

I saw it everyday, That damn sea monkey ad in the comics. I had to do it, i had to! I mean what can be more awesome than having living ummm, sea monkeys in a tank. I mean the whole family just like the picture! niiice! So yeah, i mailed out a coupon and my money and behold, they were sent to me, So i follow the instructions and whatta you know, there's life! c'mon man, grow! c'mon! I can't wait till you sprout legs and arms and hug your family. I'm gonna train them to kick ass and chew gum! ummm...wait..umm...why did they turn to krill? Where's my sea monkey family? This is bullshit!!! Arrghghg! My dream was crushed by some rip off article. I'll never order anything ever again!! oh wait....what's this about 100 army men for 2 bucks? The check is in the mail dude...

work has got me down

When i'm done working my @$$ off i will put up some new stuff.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Back when reading adult mags was a bad thing.

Waaaay back in the days of no internet, ipod, cell phone or much of anything i resorted to tons of reading (aside from the movie watching, radio listening or videogame playing). I can't possibly list the amount of material i've read growing up but looking back i now realize i might have read things that were out of my league, My father had a newstand in Brooklyn so i had easy access to certain magazines that i knew were not for kids. So here are the awesome mags i never forgot.




VampirellaThis is a no brainer, what kid would not want to see a partially nude vampire woman run around killing people, ummm yeah it had some short stories or something like that, I used to just stare at the cartoon hooters, Ma! ma! *suckle* *suckle*




Heavy metalOh do i remember this, It had full nudity and at a tender age of 9 or so it was forbidden. Anyone who has ever read this magazine knows not to let their kids read it so imagine my past predicament. I used to hide these so well i couldn't even find them. The price of being young.




Hustler humorI used to read these in my youth and had a blast, Damn those were funny. Why do i still remember Fats and Chester the molester? My insanity continues...




CreepyYet another horror magazine, But i always liked this one and actually had the issue in the pic! I remember this one being more sci-fi with a mix of horror. One particular story i remember featured some kid in the future who puts some gel in his hair and was being chased around the whole time by tons of women..weird... or was that the Eerie magazine...cripes..




EerieThis magazine had semi nudity and were composed of short horror stories. I had to have my monthly fix of this mag or i'd go nuts. Looking back i don't know how i never became a psychopath or serial killer, I just ended up eating alot of cereal.






Just one more






CondoritoPlease don't ask...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Samurai vs ninja vs fishtank


I had this pocketgame as a kid which i loved, It was called samurai vs ninja, it was cheesy but the idea of ninjas and samurai blew my mind. One day my brother and i got into a arguement and i threw a bunch of his game cartridges in a fishtank, Then in turn he threw my pocketgame in there which ruined the game. The game never worked again, but my memory remained. You owe me man...

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Top umm...something.. what the f*ck was i listening to?

What can be worst than listening to some music nowadays and not being able to relate? How about music you grew up on and thinking it was the best thing ever? Welcome to my semi ridiculous music collection from my youth.




Kraftwerk
All my friends thought i had issues when i played it, This must have been the record that lead way to the whole electronica/techno/house thing, But at 8 years old i thought it was alien messages from space, All for a mere 5 bucks and anal probe free. What more can a kid ask for?..




The BeatlesIt was probably not my time to listen to this album, But they had this song called "Daytripper" on it and i was in love with it. Call me stupid but on the song's hook i thought they said "day of the triffids" which was a cheesy b movie that i was obsessed with. Hey man i was little. Fuggedaboutit!




Olivia newton johnI don't know how to explain this one. But i had this album, and it was on constant rotation. My sister used to try and work out while playing this record and we'd laugh and make fart noises, I'm just glad i didn't fall for the Olivia workout fad and wore leggings, That would've been awful...




Weird AlParody songs were pretty funny to me growing up so i had an earful when it came to Weird al. I suppose it was my fucked up sense of humor that i had this one in my collection, Would i ever listen to it now? ummmm. no.




Culture clubCaught up in the 80's craze i bought this album and i thought the songs were pretty good. It was just the whole man/woman thing that children at the time didn't understand. This was probably my worst "what was i thinking" moments. No homo..




La rondallitaI can never forget this album, It had the world famous latin song "Burrito de belen" and every holiday for years we'd play this song until one day the band came to our house and got the damn album back... They wanted payola.
Press play to hear the ultimate cheeseball fest.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Young perception vs adult reality.

Call me stupid, When you'r a kid you'd believe anything. Aside from the usual fare of movies that i've watched, Horror, Action, Sci fi, There were some that i actually believed would happen when i was in my youth. I've always held on to those thoughts and came out disappointed (or glad) that they never happened. So here are some of those movies.




Bad boysThis movie made me decide to NEVER end up in prison, I mean what is so good about prison besides the brutal rapes, Being beat up and shivved, I call this the scared straight movie of my youth.

The reality is that this movie might be as real it's portrayed, I don't know i've never been to jail. So i'm off the hook.




Class of 1984I saw this in the movies and i didn't want attend high school EVER!. This movie showed violence and drug use with students doing basically whatever they wanted in a run down high school leaving the teachers to fend for themselves.

But in reality my high school was calm and quiet and it was easy to cut class let alone cut school. I was let off the hook again. I didn't get stabbed in the bathroom while dropping a deuce.




10 to midnight
Starring super mustachioed Charles bronson as a cop chasing around a serial killer who preys on women, At one point the killer ran around butt naked with a knife.

In reality i have yet to see a butt naked killer running around or heavily mustachioed cops but i'm not holding my breath.Thought i was kidding?




Dawn of the deadAs a kid i though...It's possible, You know, zombies coming back to life and eat the living because of some medical screw up, I actually looked out into the night in hopes of seeing one slowly walk out of the shadows but it never happened, My nightmare never came thru.

In reality it never happened or will it ever, The only zombies around here are now called junkies. But i'm still waiting....




C.H.U.DThis movie was about a bunch of monsters living in the sewers on New York City. It's hard not to believe this one when i was young, 1. I lived in new york city, 2. I used to see people in them damn subway tunnels all the time, 3. I was really young. So my nightmares worked out perfectly.

The grim reality is that only homeless people live down there and umm. there are no such things as monsters. But i already knew that...




The road warriorAfter this movie was released we were flooded with other movies using the same apocalyptic world gone to hell idea, But in this movie the world has gone to the crapper and everyone survives in small pockets all while battling the forces of an evil motor gang, Everyone is fighting for the same thing, Oil.

In reality it's not too far fetched, While we are not in a post apocalyptic world it seems like maybe we are fighting for control of hmmm. waitaminit.To be continued........