Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The wacky world of spanish television

These are my most memorable spanish tv shows

El chavo del ocho
Ok, so theres this street where everyone has a love hate relationship, add El chavo del ocho and you have not only a royal pain in the ass but the one person who holds the neighbours together with his oddball humour and stupidity. Now where can i get a recording of that weird spanish laugh track?

Walter mercado
Do i really need to explain this one? Ok, this guy usually comes on at night for a brief time to predict fortunes and so forth, He's been around since before my time and will probably be here afterwards, Now that's entertainment!

Yay! Really pretty teens running around on stage enticing the lil ugly kiddies in the background! Oh the joy! Yay! ummm..yeah. so anyways, It's a kiddie variety show where they sometimes show cartoons and so forth, Is it entertaining? probably. Is it entertaining if your old and like teens running around half nude...yes.

Chapulin colorado
Another oddball show, This time it's a supposed superhero who never does anything right, He's always usually wrong about everything but somehow comes out on top, No musclebound hero to be found here, Just some disheveled out of shape guy in a red costume. Just like real life i suppose.

Sabado gigante
So, this is a variety show that they show EVERY Saturday, And guess what, it's about 3 friggin hours long! Why would you watch this show on a saturday? umm because there's alot of guest stars and half naked women running around or dancing (always a plus). What are the qualifications for watching this show...let's see, you have to know spanish and you definitely must have no social life.

Luz clarita
You can best describe this show as the spanish version of Little orphan Annie, Everyone seems to love this character because guess what, she knows more than everyone else. Now add intrigue, mystery dream sequences and umm, betrayal and so forth and you have every ingredient for a soap opera exactly like this one, and Days of our lives and um As the world turns...yeah whatever.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Now the worst movies of 2009

Now it's time for the worst of the worst movies this year..

Dragonball z.
Are there people out there who still watch dragonball? In it's heyday this movie would have killed at the box office, but that popularity was way back in 1996. Meaning that it's target market didn't get laid if they took a date to see this. Who okayed this movie, I want to stick a vegeta figure up his ass.

Next day air
Ok, take the script from Guy ritchie's Lock,stock and two smoking barells and Snatch, Mesh them together, put an urban environment, add some of the worst black and hispanic stereotypes and you have this dumb ass movie. The blacks act like lazy asses, smoke weed and don't get anything right, The hispanics dress slutty and cook eggs all day and have guns, What the hell? This movie could've worked if you take the whole script, edit it out and put in a new script and get a different director.

Legend of Chun-li
Ummm, yeah not only is street fighter super dead, but who the fuck cares? Is it me or everyone from black eye peas is getting way too much exposure (The chinese guy plays vega), What is this story about...umm...Chun-li doing stuff and fighting vega and umm other stuff. Trust me, you won't care, This movie is about 15 years too late, Hadooocrap!

OOOkay, let's see, A happily married couple's lives are torn apart by a woman who puts the moves on the unsuspecting husband. But now get this, the other woman is white and the married couple happen to be african american, And you know how that goes, The story balances the thin line between racial tension and happens to upstage it with incredible acts of ineptitude and scenes that would never happen in real life, Is the white woman smarter while everyone else seem to have absolutely no control of any situation? That is until beyonce takes off her shoes and throws that bitch down thru a ceiling with a chandelier in tow. Boooyah!

I dont know anything about this movie because i refused to see it, if it has Cuba and Val kilmer that shit went straight to video. I didn't even bother to see if it came out this year. Nice photoshop job, Fuck you.

Transformers 2
Oh damn, This movie is so noisy and annoying you'd want to rip your ears off, same lead characters who are not worth mentioning with the addition of new robots makes this movie a sure thing, That is until you have to sit thru a stale script and annoying robots especially the two who jive talk and take african american robots to a new low (if there were any), damn. Who thinks of this shit. Because you know, word out in Hollywood is that buffoonery sells.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Top albums of the year!!

Top music albums of the year!! So many albums so little time. I will break it down to it' simplest form.

I know, who the hell is that. Well, My brother actually put me on to this, It has some house/techno feel to it, maybe he can explain it better, but it's really good to listen to while you drive, makes you want to run over a pedestrian or two.

Alice in chains
How can this be?..There hasn't been an Alice in chains album in about a decade and after the passing of Layne staley those chances had declined to zero, But this is a new era, With a new singer on lead and all of the original members on instruments this album will kick your ass, steal your money and leave you in a bloody pulp. Insane album.

Hope sandoval and the warm inventions
Wow,is this album good. So laid back and serene, makes you want to never leave the comforts of your home. Hope sandoval of Mazzy star fame takes you back to a time when things were calm and collective. Very good album.

Doom, Born like this
Crazy beats, Mf doom never disappoints. Being that he has so many albums some people might find this one hard to swallow but if you start with a fresh mindset you will definitely like this one. A good album that definitely needs a listen to. Underground heads only.

Nirvana live at the reading
Man, Nirvana always take me back. Listening to newly released album from a band long gone further captures that moment in time. Everyone needs to listen to this, Especially wack ass bands that sound aweful and have no idea how to put together a good album. so yeah..

Top pc games!

Pc gaming!! I will try to definitely narrow this down. way too many games for pc this year

Modern warfare 2
Is this game good? Hell yes. Better than the first? Hell yes, This awesome sequel has you running around the world doing missions by different characters, Very good story that will suck you in completely, Albeit a bit short you will come back to do the bonus missions. Definitely worth playing.So puuurty!

Batman arkham asylum
What? a batman game that's actually good? Not only is it good, it's fucking fantastic! With an over the shoulder pov you have the whole batman arsenal at your feet, Batarangs ect ect, And with your ability to pull off crazy fight combos and weapon upgrades you will actually feel like drop kicking someone in real life...If i can do this all day i would.

Wow, did this game take hours of my life, It's a fps Rpg where you move from mission to mission gaining experience as you try to reach your ultimate goal. This game is for level grinders only! Oh yeah, there's also an expansion pack with new missions! nice!I picked the skinny guy with the goggles.

Left for dead 2
Ah the joy of killing zombies. Ah the joy of killing zombies online with your friends! All you have to do is get to point a to point b with zombies running around everywhere. They'll chase your ass down and pull no punches. But with a good amount of weapons in your arsenal you'll even out those odds. Very addicting experience.If you have no health left right now, you are fucked.

Waited forever for this, A fine addition to the franchise, This time around you have Powers like slo motion and so forth, I wont go into detail but it's fps at it's finest, too bad you can beat it in a few hours.Ah, The joy of nazi signs everywhere gives you the more reason to kill nazis..

Red faction guerilla
In this game you do what you do best, and that is blow shit up and take over sections of the map until you occupy everything. Crazy fun and addicting!Once again, If i could do this in real life, i would.

Top movies of the year!!

It's my top favorite movies of the year! i'll try to narrow it down being that there's only been about 400 movies released.

Drag me to hell
A elderly woman is denied a loan and puts a curse on the unsuspecting loan clerk. It's goofy fun and gross out humour that always screams director Sam raimi.

District 9
This movie came out of nowhere, An alien craft runs out of gas over johannesburg and leaves the aliens stranded on earth. They're put into camps and years later are feared and hated by humans. Things get bad to worst when a human becomes infected and has dna access to alien weaponry which are useless to humans. Really good stuff.

A quick and simple movie about zombies running amock on earth, This movie focuses mainly of 4 survivors who fight their way to nowhere. It's more comparable to the original Day of the dead if everyone got along and used their brains. Why does this movie remind me of left for dead 2 for pc?....

Inglorious basterds
This is Quentin tarantino's spin on the german occupation of france, Along with a group of nazi killers called the Basterds. The main focus is on everyone with each scene heavy on dialogue and set action pieces that when actually happen cause quite an effect. Prepare to take 3 hours of your life.

500 days of summer
A man reflects on his failed relationship with an after, before and during timeline. Sappy stuff but i'm sure everyone can relate to this movie.

Super mention!!

Star trek
How can i not put this movie here. I can't stress enough how everyone needs to see this. so yeah, This movie shows us the origins of the world famous start trek crew of James t kirk. And yes, he even bangs a green chick..nice