Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The year end review!!!

The year 2010. It's been a good year, While i'm still waiting for my flying vehicle or teleporter i'll just enjoy the finer things in life like music,movies and videogames good and bad. So here is my quick list.

Best pc
Such a breath of fresh air, What do you do when a franchise is ruined, start again fresh and boy is it welcomed. You have two choices. The illegal racer or the cop. It's super fun, it's fast and this game will make you forget that there were others before it.

worst pc
I wanted to like this... But with other fps that are actually free roaming this one has you go from point a to point b with no other choices whatsoever. The firefights are ok but there are better games. Trust me.

Best movie
What a total surprise. It's a film about a film maker who makes a documentary about an artist who turns the tables and makes a film about the film maker. Yeah. And it also portrays how naive and blind people are when it comes to the art world.

Worst movie
Another alien invasion movie. With people that you could not care about, The special effects are well done but that's it. Nothing else is noteworthy. same plot same everything. Independence day was 90% better and that movie was done over 10 years ago. Leave this genre alone man.

Best album
This album came out of nowhere, And damn. they came back with a force to be reckoned with, Every album shows that they are actually way ahead of the game.

Worst album
God i can't for the life of me stand the album single. and if that's the best song i could imagine sitting through 40 or so minutes of linkin park. Sorry dude. your fanbase grew up and got jobs and went on with their lives.

I wish you all a very happy new year!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Super blast

Man, I got this for christmas when i was about 5 or so. The best gift i've ever gotten as a child. And after all these years i never forgot about it. It's good to know that the internet can close gaps. It sucks that i now know how much it used to cost. Damn.....

Monday, November 29, 2010

The year the earth suuucked!

I don't know how the term was made but here in my honest opinion is the worst movie turkeys this year.(Trust me it wasn't a good experience)

Sex and the city 2
Ah man, what can i say, I took one for the team and saw this with zero expectations and boy did i get just that. Quick recap. Shallow story about ugly shallow people getting into unheard of situations, Oh wait its a movie. My bad.

Piranha 3-dBringing back a time when sex and violence was absolute king. You don't need a plot if you have a movie based of piranha fish looking for its next meal, Thats what it's suppose to do. But i do give some sort of credit, It's got gore to the fullest and a stab at America's mind numbing alcohol filled no holds barred morally challenged youth. And 3-d boobies...

Jonah hexOk, I never ever got into the whole Jonah hex comic book thing back in the day, So i didn't know what to expect. But man is this movie fucking horrible. I couldn't get past the bad acting and one liners, I kept looking around for a Smith and Wesson ol' timey pistol and do myself in. How long did my viewing last? about 30 minutes before i started to dream of something better. Oh yeah megan fox is in it. You still can't sprinkle gold on dogshit. It's not right.

The losersYay! it's the A-team! fuck my bad it's The losers and i never heard of it, Umm yeah it was a comic too? I never heard of that. Fuck i never heard anything about it and after watching it i wish i could go back to not knowing anything about it. Truly forgettable.

RedTalk about hype. all hype, Bruce willis, Morgan freeman, John blah blah blah blah blah. The premise could have worked but man, The movie drags along to the point of not caring who betrayed who and who did what.. Ah christ, I don't even know what the story is about. And all this hype surrounding this film claiming it's the best thing since god know what, I don't see it man, I don't see it, This is definitely one of those movies that fall into the category of "Why the fuck did Get shorty win best comedy at the awards"

Moby dick 2010
Ok if you would have told me 20 years ago that the singer Tiffany would be in a movie about Moby dick in the year 2010 i would have been amazed, It's 2010 and the word amazed can't be combined with this movie in any way, Everything in it is cgi and i'm saying that with dignity, The effects are so bad that i couldn't even fathom as to why this thing was made, Who greenlit this project? I know how this all went down man... i know..., In a basement somewhere... *SON* "Mom!" I just made this movie using nothing but that Fisher price My first animation program you bought me, Can you give it to my favorite uncle who happens to run a movie studio?" **MOM* Awww son, i didn't even see it and i know it's perfect, I love you"

Oh my bad, Tiffany wasn't in that movie, She was in this...

Mega piranhaWhen the movie poster has better effects than the actual movie you know you're in trouble. These movies shouldn't possibly exist at this day and age. I truly wished for the piranhas from the 3-d version to eat everyone in this one. Possibly 3 minutes into the opening credits.

Happy holidays everyone!!!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Grabbing the nuts (in retrospect)

I've slayed thru tons of them, Possibly thousands, Some were memorable to a degree of joy and some were downright forgetfully awful. I'm of course speaking of Video games. So here are a few random games from random systems that were so insanely hard to beat that after doing so i got up and grab these big ol nuts with a sense of accomplishment.

Mike Tyson's punch out! (nes)OK, to get to Mike Tyson you had to fight a ton of boxers and if you made it all the way up the ranks Mike will knock you out with one punch, kinda like in real life.


Ghost and goblins (nes)This game is so hard that even after you beat it you go back to the beginning and have to finish it again to get the proper ending. what's even worse than that? NO SAVESTATE OR PASSWORD!

Adventures of bayou billyMy fondest memory was when the last boss came out with two henchmen and i got the shit kicked out of me followed by a game over screen. I hate you...

Honorable mention
Ninja gaiden series
Megaman series
Metroid (fucked up password system)

Dark savior (Sega Saturn)3/4th view made it impossible at certain levels, and if you don't believe me, Try out the mining cart stage.

X-men (Sega Saturn)Finishing it was easy, But finishing it with Akuma is downright impossible. Like continued a hundred times impossible.

Honorable mention
Panzer dragoon series
Shining force series
Tomb raider

Hell (3do)Point here click there, that's all you had to do in this game, But the puzzles were downright impossible, You had to have two full functioning brains to figure it all out, and i did but also inherited insanity. Thank you.

Beelzebub,Belial, Mephistopheles,Beelzebub,belial,Mephistopheles,Beelzebub,Belial,Mephistopheles (Play it, you'll know what i mean)

Honorable mention
Road rash

Spiderman/xmen (snes)You will never finish this game.. i guarantee...The end is ficking nigh!

Ah how i reminisce over that Gambit stage.. Classic.

Honorable mention
Super ghouls and ghost

Chakan (Sega Genesis)How can i explain this one, It's an action platformer with an awesome character that came out of nowhere, Man was this game hard to beat. I remember after you make it to the final boss you only have one try. After that, Game over man.

Honorable mention
Sword of sodan
Target earth
Phantasy star series

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I have a pet named peeve, and he wants to bite you in the ass.

Unfortunately we all have to deal with the fact that things are the way they are and no matter what i simply can't avoid the cosmic powers of scenarios that drive me crazy... Enjoy.

High priced sneakersYou just spent a few hundred on a pair of sneakers only to step on dogshit. Next time just give me a fifty so i can punch you in the face.

Cellphone upgradesOk, So you bought a new cell phone, And 3 months later you buy another cell phone to replace the last cellphone because the megapixel is 3 mb more. Congratulations, You're part of the idiot club.

BluetoothEveryone who speaks on a bluetooth usually looks and sounds too serious to ignore. But of course you would too if your're giving an excuse as to why you havent paid your rent. Yep, Living the Star trek dream.

Fanny packsYes, The fashion statement for every person who are simply too lazy to stick their wallet in their pants. And oh yeah it's not a girdle dude. For the 45 and only crowd please.

Using different venacularOk so you want a coffee somewhere but you can't tell what size you need because guess what. You don't speak any language other than english. The trend is so stupid, Fuck it i'm gonna open up my own shop and just name shit that doesn't even make sense. Do you want a rat ball pastry with hot anal fudge? Sold!.

Elderly lottery winnersHere's how it works. If you are ages 1 thru 50 you will never win. But if you are over the age of 75 and own 2 houses then it's in the bag baby! Instant winner. Here for you to enjoy is the usual timeline of said event.

6 months later

And a will testinony laterOf course it's for the cat. Duh!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The art of choking the chicken

In a world of super heroes and action stars there are bound to be the incredibly inept chicken shits, The ones who make you either wish for their demise or cheer at their total lack of judgement aka running away. Here's to you man!

Sgt o'neill(Platoon)This is the common case of chicken shit and ass kisser all into one! His motivation is clearly based on the fact that no one gives a shit if he lives or dies.

Pvt hudson(Aliens)Awww c'mon, you know who this is. He can hang in the best of shootouts but when the going gets tough he exist stage left real quick. I'm not gonna say the catchphrase man, I'm not gonna say it....

Malak(Conan the destroyer)A true gem, has no fighting ability or skills. All he did was take cover and stole artifacts. I believe he might have hit a person or two on a whimsical scale, Everyone needs one of these on their team.

Luther(The warriors)Wow, You commit a crime and totally lay it on someone else by starting a rumour. And on top of that you can't rumble, The super ultimate fifth grade bitch move.

That guy from the mummy 2Totally looks like a modern day Don knotts, everything he did was by total accident and actually came off as a hero. huh?

Lalin'(Carlito's way)
Ok, It's bad enough you're in a wheelchair, But getting caught wearing a wire to bring down your boys always sets a new low in chicken shit 101.

The pilot(dawn of the dead)Ah yeah, a true gem, not only is this guy stupid, he can't aim a rifle and doesn't know the concept of a back up plan. Traits you definitely don't want in a zombie apocalypse. Way to go champ. I'm sure he can pull it off.

On second thought...