Thursday, April 23, 2015

The most memorable movies from my childhood Part 1

 Thinking back i can remember the first batch of movies Ive ever watched as a kid. I'm breaking down this list from age 5 until about 10 years old. In no particular order.

Chiller theatre
 In NYC there was a horror program called chiller theatre, It ran on channel 11 on Saturdays. At only 5 years old i remember making sure my feet were not touching the ground when the intro came on, I always imagined that hand grabbing me from under the bed.

 Always on chiller theatre. A bunch of brits on motorcycles join an occult and are granted immortality. During the course of the movie they kept trying to kill themselves to no avail, aaand then something happens at the end with some frog. I need to watch this again.

Horror express
 Eeeew. so there's a bunch of people on a old timey steam engine train and there's a monster on the loose. It had Kojack, Vampire great Christopher lee and Grand moff tarkin, umm i mean Peter cushing. Memorable moments include the victim's bleeding eyes and mouth. And those Glowing monster eyes. Gets me every time.

 Of course Godzilla made this list. Out of all of the syndicated movies Godzilla vs smog monster always resonates. From the trippy psychadelic tunes and visuals to Godzilla straight ripping out the smog monster's babies from her stomach of whatever you want to call it. This will always be my favorite.

First horror movie i ever watched in a theatre. made me hate sharks.. and water... and swimming.

 Seen this on television and i loved it. It made me sympathetic to rodents and see them as more than vile creatures. Which was indeed good news for pet stores and bad news for my parents.

 He was a pissed off turtle who lived underwater. He always gave the ol turtle stank eye and literally flew into action destroying everything and kicking monster butt while leaving half of the population homeless. On a good note he loves the children.

War of the gargantuas
 From the corner of my mind i dug this one out. From what i remember there were two giant creatures one was always angry and the other one passive. They end up coming to blows because the angry one kept causing mayhem. It's like sibling rivalry gone wrong.

What's not to love about Infra-man, Goofy characters in costumes chop sockying the crap out of each other. This is way before power rangers, Actually way before anything else of its type here in the states. Highly recommended!!

Sunday, March 8, 2015

The toys i loved as a kid. And the terrible adult perception that followed.

I had a ton of toys in my childhood, I didn't need life lessons, i had these to guide me though and teach me the basics of my lifelong journey. I gave myself a psyche test with some board games and these were my answers.

1. Operation (killers)
OK. This ones pretty simple. Take the tweezers and pull out the the patients innards. But don't touch the sides or buzz! You done messed up. I'm pretty sure this paved the way for serial killers in my age bracket. Think of it as Fisher price my first corpse.

2. Perfection (heart attack)
My parents didn't need a heart specialist. We had this game. Push the thingy down. Get all the shapes in place before the timer runs out or POP! You're one step closed to your impending stroke. Oh and a few months later you'll end up stepping on a piece in the middle of the night.

3. Mousetrap (horror films)
You meticulously build the traps. Roll the dice and watch as the your opponent gets caught and confined in some strange wile e coyote contraption. You cant ever finish a game because there is always a piece missing,  Umm wait... this reminds me of a movie.. Oh yeah.. Saw

4. Mr mouth (porn)
Wow flip that fake coin into the thingies mouth. Who knew that as an adult i would utilize such an experience. Just look at it. We all know what it means.
Money shot!

5. Chutes and ladders. (drugs and booze)
You're in candy land and you take a spin until you achieve your ultimate high, rehab or a second chance at life. But one fuck up and down the chute you go. Now go sell yourself for some crack.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Again with the cliches? Yeah! Another top 5

It's been a while but i present to you another installment of Movie cliches! Brought to you by every movie studio imaginable.

1. Computer hacker

 Do you need a computer guy to break into the pentagon or jlos cell phone? Hell yeah! Just about every movie that involves a computer couldn't be complete without a hacker to get a comp started in 5 seconds flat and types random keys until, voila! Problem solved!

2. Intricate problem solving to defeat villain.

 Problem defeating Godzilla, your possessed girlfriend or the monsters from pacific rim? Just add a scientist, someone smarter than an 8th grader or random ass good luck and you have yourself a grand finale.

3. Love making

 I just shot down a flying saucer and punched the vice president in the mouth, now lets go have sex. Because you know... it has to carry the plot along.. I have an idea, there's a porno movie see.. and right in the middle of mammal tomfoolery the guy leaves and stabs a shark while scuba diving.. genius!

4. Everyone knows karate

 Name one action movie where someone doesn't get chop sockied, spin kicked or hadookened. And if your an Asian, forget it, you're handing down 5 generations of whoop ass.

5. The skeptic

 No matter what goes on this character will never believe anything. A maniac on the loose? Just your imagination, the dog writing your name on the wall with bloody piss? Ha ha, fool me once. The world could freeze over and the response would be that the air condition is too high..